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TOPIC TITLE: i just wanna...
Created On 1/28/08 8:13 PM
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killedlastyear
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1/28/08 8:13 PM
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So i'm sitting here by my computer and i realize that I just want to go upstairs and cut. no big trigger or anything. Not in a particularly bad mood. I just want to see the blood, see the scars it makes. I dunno why. I just wanna. I guess i'm writing this to push off the inevitable...
 
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su7kids
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1/28/08 8:17 PM
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KLY, since you just posted this 4 minutes ago, there's a chance you're still at your computer.

What can you do to distract yourself?
Watch youtube.com videos? I don't know.

Let me here what you're doing.


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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killedlastyear
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1/28/08 9:36 PM
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well i actually started to watch a movie and then i moved to the sofa in front of the tv and fell asleep. but i just woke up and i think im gonna go upstairs and go back to sleep cuz i'm still really tired. i guess i was able to postpone it for a bit in the end.
 
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su7kids
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1/28/08 10:47 PM
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great, so it worked, at least for now. One victory to you!!


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Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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mouse
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1/30/08 4:33 AM
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I relate to the wanting to cut for no reason at all. What is that about, anyway? I just don't get it. I told my therapist once that, "It seemed like a good idea at the time." Same goes for ODing with me. There are times I do it and everything going ok and I have no explanation. It really bugs me cuz every therapist I talk to says there is always a reason and I just can't connect the dots.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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gad
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2/2/08 9:21 PM
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Maybe things are going ok, but you are worried about the future, if it will continue to be ok. And this worry may cause stress, perhaps even at a subconcious level.
 
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killedlastyear
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2/13/08 1:12 AM
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im really depressed right now.
i dunno.
i guess i just feel the need to vent since theres no one i really can talk to now.
i didnt want to start a new post just to complain so i guess ill just write it here.

yeah im really depressed.
i guess i cant get into all the details cuz its too much to talk about an no one would read that much anyway but im just sad right now and dont really know what to do to make the feeling go away
 
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su7kids
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2/13/08 1:38 AM
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Hugs.


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Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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Belly
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2/13/08 3:14 AM
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Try us. Write!
I totally understand how you are feeling.
I'm going through a very hard time. I would love to write, but I'm scared someone could find out whom I writing about and I don't want to hurt anyone. My T is sick and I feel that I'm exploding. I guess thanks to the meds I'm only down and not depressed, but I'm getting really sick from everything happening around me.
So please write!
Belly
 
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mouse
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2/13/08 4:51 AM
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I think you SHOULD start a new topic. It won't hurt. But if you don't want to, I understand. Anyways, when I get really depressed, I just cut. (Though I also cut for no good reason at all.) I'm glad you chose to get on here and write insead. I hope you feel better soon. Feel free to dump your feelings and all that is bad here. People can choose to read it or not. Believe it or not, many of us are going through the same issues that make us depressed, even if you are from Mars. I was in a day hospital and became friends with a non-Jewish homosexual. We had so much in common, including what makes us sad, depressed and even self-destructive. Now that I'm out we still keep in touch and support each other in bad times. If I can have something in common with her, you prolly have others here in common issues. So once again, write about them. No one is forced to read them and can choose to skip it if it's long. (I do that all the time.) Big, big, giant hugs.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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gad
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2/15/08 12:52 AM
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Quote

Originally posted by: killedlastyear
im really depressed right now.(


I hope that life brightens up for you soon.

 
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killedlastyear
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4/7/09 10:33 AM
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i'm so triggered right now. i have a quick temper. my sister is standing outside of my room telling me that i haven't finished cleaning our bathroom yet and I need to do that (I was in the middle of cleaning it when she decided she wanted to take a shower there at that moment, even though there's another shower in the house and there was no urgency to taking it then. i told her that i wouldn't be as motivated to clean later and i prob just wouldn't end up finishing and she didn't care. just went on in and took it).
now she's telling me i have to finish the job i started. nagging me about it. the younger sister being super bossy. in my opinion she was very selfish and if she cares so much (I don't) she can clean it. but i'm keeping my mouth shut and keeping away because I know she's stubborn and I get upset easily.
I guess I just need support. She makes me so mad. And it's so dumb that I'd want to cut over this. I guess I really just want to hit her but since I can't I still feel the need to get the anger out and I'm the only person I'm really allowed to hurt...
 
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gad
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4/7/09 2:52 PM
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You may want to try going on the street (or in a stationary car by yourself) and just scream. (Don't drive while agitated.)
Or maybe to scream in your room with a quiet kind of scream.

Your idea to keep away from her for now makes sense.

Sometimes when others behave selfishly, the best approach is the one you are using. And eventually things calm down and hopefully get back to normal.

Have a happy Pesach.


Edited: 4/7/09 at 2:54 PM by gad
 
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