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TOPIC TITLE: Lonnnnggggg Yom Tov (or Shabbos) and cutting
Created On 10/15/08 8:56 PM
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mouse
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10/15/08 8:56 PM
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Ok, I've had it. Yet another 2 day Yom Tov in which all I can think of doing is cutting and overdosing. The longer the time, the more the damage. I almost got thru Yom Tov without doing anything but I couldn't stop after a while obsessing on hurting myself so I chose to cut (the lesser of two evils, i guess.) I just find that no matter what i do to prepare for the yom tov so I don't get too isolated (the biggest factor for me in self destructing), I still have a hard time. This time I cut deeper than usual, as if making up for lost time...I hadn't cut the day before. My rabbi told me I should call someone before hurting myself in anyway (that includes even eating disorder behavior.) He said this applies to yom tov and shabbos (and even yom kippur.) Today I tried calling my doctor but of course, my luck, he was out of town. So I called my therapist who is hard to get in touch with. I finally got to talk to her for a few minutes but it was already after I cut (but before overdosing.) I'm so frustrated. My husband doesn't know about the heter and I feel weird letting him know when I am having a difficult time (plus, he either doesn't know or is in denial about the cutting and stuff.) any ideas????


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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little sheep
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10/15/08 10:14 PM
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i wish i had some ideas myself...although my behaviors are different, i need the help too...and i've been having so much trouble with it...


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"I'm getting better and better every day, in every way, with the help of Yud-Kay-Vav-Kay"~Rabbi Label Lam
 
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bubbs96
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10/16/08 6:06 PM
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I also had an awful yom tov....I'm thinking about taking a hotel room closeby to my treatment program so that I can walk there for the second days.....otherwise asking a rabbi if its permissible for me to take a train to treatment, bc its getting downright dangerous to be on my own and in my head for so long.......i dont have answers for u, but i sympathise!!


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"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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mouse
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10/23/08 1:49 AM
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Yet another yucky yom tov. All those ppl. dancing and singing on Simchas Torah yet I felt so alone.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Debbi
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10/23/08 7:20 AM
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(((((((((((((((((Munkster)))))))))))))))))

so sorry to hear how alone u felt.
it feels so bad to feel alone in a room full of ppl.

were u able to hold off on the cutting?
thinking of u.

bubbs, i really hope it worked out. pls let us know what happened over YT?
Thinking of u too.
((((((((((((bubbs))))))))))))
 
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mouse
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10/27/08 1:22 AM
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I tried to hold out and called my doc on yom tov as per my rabbi's (yes, orthodox) instructions. However, he was on vacation and my t was hard to reach and well.....not quite an inspiring story i guess.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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little sheep
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10/27/08 6:19 PM
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(((munkster)))

sorry yours was so difficult. i wasn't able to hold back either...had a really hard time.


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"I'm getting better and better every day, in every way, with the help of Yud-Kay-Vav-Kay"~Rabbi Label Lam
 
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mouse
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1/9/09 3:57 PM
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ARGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!Another Shabbos is coming and I have nothing planned to keep stuff off my mind. I hate this. Trying to distract in order not to hurt or overdose myself is so ridiculous. No one else in this world has to plan in order to stay intact, why do I??? I hate feeling so isolated and cut off from the world. I hate hurting myself but I hate even more not hurting. I hate staying occupied. I hate everything....I'm so mad.

Just needed to vent before Shabbos.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Holding on
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1/10/09 11:14 PM
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i'm out of words, but I hope you were 'ok'. sorry you're hurting...

gut voch!
 
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killedlastyear
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1/18/09 8:26 PM
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i have a question. i feel kind of weird asking. but i'm going to anyway. and if it's rude or too personal feel free to let me know and turn down on answering.
but what does your therapist tell you when you let him/her know that you want to cut yourself?
i'm just curious because like really what is there to tell someone who wants to...no really NEEDS to do something so badly?
does he give you suggestions on what to do instead? or does he try to get you to reason with yourself that it's bad and not worth it, etc.
because i know when i feel like this there's nothing anyone can say that can change my drive to follow through on what I'm set out to do. my only savior is to keep pushing it off for as long as possible until the feeling lessens.
 
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mouse
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1/19/09 1:44 AM
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My therapist(s) in the past and currently say two things.
1. They ask what I'm feeling and try to get me to talk about what I'm feeling and why. This has only been partially successful. Usually in the end I do it but at least I have put it off for a little bit.
2. They ask if I have used all my coping mechanisms and skills that are positive. For example, have I talked to a friend, exercised, tried sleep....They suggest alternate ways of dealing with the feelings (or lack thereof) behind the cutting or other self harm so it's not so necessary.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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mouse
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1/31/09 6:17 PM
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had to take ativan to sleep so i wouldn't do any big gobs of damage to myself this shabbos. still feel the effects of it. helped me sleep so i wouldn't do anything too terrible, but dunno....i'm awake again sitting with that feeling i should cut and overdose. shabbos is over and i guess i could call someone ( i could have called someone on shabbos halachically since my rabbi said i should when things get bad, but didn't) i think i'd rather go through with what i'm thinking than call someone and own up to feeling so crappy. kids and hubby home so can't do anything anyhow now.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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downandout
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1/31/09 8:09 PM
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munkster.... (((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))
I get what you mean. Shabbos is so hard (read the post I put in tonight in depression forum). I don't cut, but the overdosing part really hit home - the tension and pain are so crazy already that you just want to get out of it.
Can't offer any advice - just empathy...
D&O


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I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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