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TOPIC TITLE: dreaming...
Created On 1/24/09 10:43 PM
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killedlastyear
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1/24/09 10:43 PM
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of sharp objects.
i crave.
 
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gad
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1/24/09 11:43 PM
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dreaming... of a perfect world
where we will have peace of mind
and happiness

to use sharp and blunt and all objects only for good things


May that day come soon.
 
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Debbi
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1/25/09 12:10 AM
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KLY.
Not only do i completely understand, but i can empathise too.
I know that feeling of "needing" to feel "something" sharp on your skin.
I'm actually going thru that currently. And as i walk thru the days, anything sharp or hot that touches me, is a relief.

oh dear, how bizzare!

hope u can hold out KLY.
sorry u r hurting so much.
*hugs* to u.
 
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mouse
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1/25/09 5:15 AM
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i dream of fingernails going into skin. the problem is it is also reality.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Holding on
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1/25/09 12:41 PM
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KLY, Debbi, Munkster - I'm sorry you are struggling. I wish I knew what to say to help.
I've had one too many close calls lately, but I think I'm going to beat this.
Hatzlacha!
 
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mouse
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1/25/09 11:38 PM
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holding on -- this is where I feel entitled. entitled to dump and entitled to do. i have had it with my family. i never asked to be born and especially not to them. i can't tell who is more hateful and abusive in the family -- the abuser or the abusive. i just get dragged into fights as if i had a stake in all of it. i'm not interested. count me out. right now all i want is to self destruct. and if that means hanging myself in a closet or basement, so be it. i deserve peace too. maybe not the kind most find good, but i deserve it. the saddest part here is that i'm resisting the urges cuz i don't want to hurt the people who have hurt me so badly. it doens't even make sense.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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gad
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1/26/09 1:42 AM
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Perhaps you can take a break from your family for now.
(It often happens that people sever relations for awhile, using an excuse that "I don't feel well to talk right now" or a similar excuse.)
 
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mouse
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i'd luv the luxury of taking off from my family temporrarily. but right now one of my siblings has my mom convinced we all hate her and she's a horrible person. (not entirely inaccurate, but not entirely what she needs to hear right now either.) whenever i take a step back and let things go their course rather than play peacekeeper, things explode. and that's waht happened this time. i should have but didn't play peacekeeper cuz i was trying to preserve the little left in my sanity. so now i have to pick up the pieces of the latest explostion and try to glue em back as well as i can. if i don't and let it all sit and fester, i won't have much to come back to.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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gad
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1/26/09 2:18 AM
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What does your therapist say? To get involved? Or to step back?
 
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mouse
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I havne't had a chance to discuss it with her. I did speak to my Rabbi who is amazing. He said i should try to evade her questions and try to avoid answering witha yes/no. i should keep deflecting. no good will come of this one.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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gad
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1/26/09 2:11 PM
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I guess you need to see how it goes step by step and judge accordingly.

Hope to hear good news.
 
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Aba
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1/26/09 9:34 PM
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KYL,
As much as an "outsider" can know, I know it's hard to hold back Good luck on being stronger then your urges.
If I may, I'm dreaming of the day ...
... when we will turn our swords in to plowshares.
... when we will all get together and not feel we have to hide behind keyboards and usernames.
Good luck

munkster
>i won't have much to come back to.
I'm confused, what is there now which you are trying to save?

Aba


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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mouse
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1/27/09 2:10 AM
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munkster
>i won't have much to come back to.
I'm confused, what is there now which you are trying to save?

Aba, trying to save remnants of what could/would have been a truly loving relationship.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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mouse
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1/28/09 1:46 PM
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i guess i'm saving what never was between my mom and me and my brother and me.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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killedlastyear
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1/28/09 6:18 PM
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hey everyone thanks for responding. sorry for all those who related too well
amen to your dream aba. it's a good one.
debbi i totaly know what you mean. i enjoy the accidental hurts that i get.
a thumbtack fell on my bedroom floor a month ago, rather then try to find it, i'm still waiting to step on it.
oh well. at least some nights are better than others.
 
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Aba
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munkster,
>i guess i'm saving what never was between my mom and me and my brother and me.
Can I assume from the way you phrased your message you realize you can't save something you never had? Unfortunately, thought love can be one directional, a relationship needs to be two directional.
In the long run you may find using your energy for yourself, husband and kids will earn you much more.

killedlastyear,
Can I buy you a pair of slippers .

Two nights a go I had a dream it went something like this ...
Ema and I drove out two her home town and went to stay in the house she grew up in. While driving up the road to her old house she commented she can't conjure up any memories of her childhood, which I took to mean since she was emotionally abused she has no connection to what is termed her inner-child. (BTW It is very cool to dream that you are thinking something) While we were there we met this little girl who was being abused and we decided we need to save her but since she was reluctant we needed to (don't worry I would do this in real life) tie her up. As we were carrying her to the van we saw a tomato plant which we picked and gave her to eat which seemed to cheer her up. (That night Ema was eating whole tomatoes) As we were driving down the road Ema was then able to see herself as a kid runing on the grass along the road behind the van with her hands raised high and a big smile on her face. I too was able to see it and the girl we were taking home with us had the same face as the kid running. The girl we had with us started to cvetch she wonted more tomatoes and the dream ended as I was deciding if we should go back b/c I was afraid we would be caught.
I hope this Hashems way of telling me our struggles are almost over.

Kol Tuv,
Aba


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden

Edited: 1/29/09 at 11:25 AM by Aba
 
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gad
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1/29/09 8:46 PM
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It sounds like a good dream.
It may possibly be saying as follows:

The dream is reflecting what's going on in your mind. Your challenge, your role in helping, and your desire.

The challenge is clear. You spelled out the hardship.

You are trying to help. You are with her. You understand her. Both you and your wife are trying to get the proper help. And you are optimistic that she will regain her inner child and be happy.

The tomato which you saw her eating in real life and which you brought into you dream perhaps reflects your desire to see her eating healthy and doing well. This is what makes you happy.

Dreams come from above. Perhaps, as you write, it is Hashem's way of letting you know that it's going to be good very soon.

May we merit to hear good news very soon.
 
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Aba
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Thanks for the input
As far as the eating tomatoes I would call it eating healthfully as she doesn't eat anything else but vegetables.

Kol Tuv,
Aba


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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seb613
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2/1/09 2:29 PM
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I had thoughts of hurting to the point where I was actually scared of sliting my wrists. My psychairist sent me to the emergency room. I was placed in Mental Health IN-Clinic for almost two weeks. There, they let me talk about my problems, learnt to talk for myself, and they monitored my medication. Even though I have the occaisonal suicidal thought, the medication change will help and I'm trying to help myself.
 
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killedlastyear
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hehe i ate a tomato today
ok i know that's random, it's just i was just reading that and i'd just eaten a tomato for lunch. and i was like heeeeeey. tomatoes!
 
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mouse
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2/2/09 2:10 AM
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KLY -- . You made me laugh.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Aba
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seb613,
Welcome back.
May you continue to go from strength to strength.

killedlastyear,
On a personal note I hate strait tomatoes. In my opinion G-d created tomatoes just for ketchup and pizza sauce. but I'm glad you got a kick out of it.

Aba


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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seb613
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2/8/09 11:08 AM
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I'm still having suicidal thoughts, I told my psychaitrist and she raised my medication slightly. But I feel like the thoughts are ruining my life. I can't enjoy myself and the thoughts are so hard to push away. G-d doesn't seem to be helping me. What can I do?
 
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killedlastyear
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2/11/09 12:33 AM
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the feelings of self hatred are so intense tonight i can't fall asleep. i just lie here thinking about how badly i need to punish myself.
 
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Holding on
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2/11/09 10:07 PM
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KLY - im sorry ur feeling so bad... im in the same boat so im afraid i dont have much to say except, go easy on yourself. We all tend to judge ourselves too harshly... (at least thats what my friends keep telling me...) Hang in there!
 
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gad
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2/12/09 12:29 AM
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Quote

Originally posted by: seb613
I'm still having suicidal thoughts, I told my psychaitrist and she raised my medication slightly. But I feel like the thoughts are ruining my life. I can't enjoy myself and the thoughts are so hard to push away. G-d doesn't seem to be helping me. What can I do?


Inside you are feeling pain.

But deep inside G-d is there with you.

I hope that you are feeling better soon, and that you will soon have good news to post.
 
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seb613
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2/12/09 2:19 PM
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Thank you for your kind words.
 
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killedlastyear
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3/2/09 11:53 AM
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seb, are you feeling any better? i hope so.
 
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seb613
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I'm feeling slightly better, but when I'm completely calm, the thoughts creep back into my head. I'm meeting with my psychiatrist today and I'm trying to convince her I should change meds. G-d willing, that and starting school will help.
 
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Aba
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seb613,
Good luck.
Aba


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"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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