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TOPIC TITLE: I feel entitled
Created On 9/29/09 3:45 PM
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mouse
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9/29/09 3:45 PM
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I feel entitled to do whatever I want to with my body. i know this sounds wrong but it is MY body and I feel like i should be the one to decide to cut, purge, or self destruct in a variety of ways. It is no one else's business. just occured to me. negative, i know..


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.

Edited: 9/29/09 at 3:50 PM by mouse
 
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su7kids
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9/29/09 3:52 PM
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But it is a gift to you from Hashem. Its HIS. You're just using it! How do you explain that one? (Trying to give you some supportive thinking!)


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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mouse
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9/30/09 2:57 AM
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Well, I don't want this body and HE can have it back.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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4702125952
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9/30/09 3:48 PM
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The question is: who is the "I" in your statement and what is its relationship to the body?

Your "I" is your essential soul, neshama, breath of G-d, here on a mission. Your body is your 'car' , if you will, to carry you through your journey. Each of us have a different journey to make, unlike anyone else's.

I takes some objectivity, sort of stepping outside of yourself momentarily, and see yourself as primarily a soul on a journey. It takes courage to accept our selves, our life. Not all of it is our making: some things--many things--are beyond our control. The only thing I can control is my response. Pray for vision, acceptance and peace.
 
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gad
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9/30/09 11:42 PM
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Munkster, you are pouring out your anger on your body.

I hope that you will soon be able to find inner peace, and that you will soon be able to enjoy all the goodness that a person's body can bring.

Hope to hear good news.
 
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Aba
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10/1/09 10:30 AM
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Munkster,
This morning I had a few minutes of quiet to think and my mind focused on you and your last few posts here. I couldn't help but think of the pain you are in and some of the challenges you go through on a daily basses either helping your son deal with his Aspeger, managing your relationship and your families' relationship with your mother, etc.
I hope and pray you pull through this and can you reap with joy what you are now sowing with tears.
Kol Tuv,
Aba


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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mouse
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10/28/09 9:04 AM
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I feel like I've just about had it....yet again. Tried a new antidepressant even though I KNEW I shouldn't because they historically as a class of medications have made me more suicidal. Now I'm back to thinking 24/7 about dying and stuff. grrrrrrrrr


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Aba
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10/28/09 1:41 PM
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You are in my prayers.
Hope things get better.
Kol Tuv,
Aba


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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mouse
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10/28/09 1:52 PM
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i dont wanna be in your prayers.....just wanna die....and it isn't happening...i feel sick, i look gross, and i'm beyond unhappy.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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gad
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10/28/09 3:24 PM
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Can you contact the doctor and ask about changing the medication?
 
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mouse
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10/28/09 4:11 PM
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i discontinued the medicine, however the side effect of exacerbated depression histori callly doesn't go away so quickly....i'm unthrilled (i know that isn't aa word)with myself because i knew that would happen. i was just hoping like an idiot thhat it would work. furtheermore, there are no other medications i can take...doc outta ideas and so am i. i'm done with patience for the medication game now too.......so i think i will just contemplate killing myself as that is easier than anything else.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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downandout
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10/28/09 6:29 PM
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Do you have anyone you can talk to about it? We really don't want you dying on us.... So hold on.


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I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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gad
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10/28/09 7:38 PM
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Sorry that you're going through such a difficult trying time.

I hope you will soon be feeling better, and that you will have the strength to continue doing Mitzvos and accomplish your mission in this world.

Hope to hear good news.
 
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littleengine
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10/29/09 11:20 PM
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Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. Hang in there til things get better.
 
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Debbi
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11/1/09 5:17 AM
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(((((((((((((((munkster))))))))))))))))

i dont know what to say except, hold on and know that all of us care about u.
 
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Holding on
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11/1/09 9:34 AM
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(((Hug)))
Sorry ur struggling.
Keep venting and 'holding on'

We're here for you
 
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queechee
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11/3/09 2:27 PM
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Hey there munkster. Been there done that. Suicide is scary but being told that you are not allowed to do it is scarier. So let yourself be free. Life will find a way when you stop trying so hard. Rest up and let life flow through you. What you feel is what you feel. I for one accept it. And don't forget to exhale.

Sorry if this sounds cryptic but those who know what it's like to feel freaked out will understand.

Josh Mark
 
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mouse
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11/6/09 1:59 PM
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I'm trying so hard not to act on the way I'm feeling right now. I just wanna die so badly. Taking another new antidepressant and making me go on worse roller coaster than before (if that were possible.) If I can die in a way that isn't obvious killing myself then my life insurance will pay up and things would be so much better for my family. I'm so frustrated. Shabbos is coming and I feel so icky.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Aba
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11/6/09 2:47 PM
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Sorry to hear the news I hope things get better.
Kol Tuv,
Aba


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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