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TOPIC TITLE: I want to go so badly
Created On 6/10/10 1:07 AM
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mouse
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6/10/10 1:07 AM
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So many things are so bad in my life. I doubt they will improve. Why not just end it???? For my kids' sakes???? I wonder at times if that is a good reason. Trying so hard not to cut or OD or anything else but getting so tempted.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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channafofanna
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6/11/10 5:20 PM
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live to spite urself- it kills u to live ur punsihing urself more than anyone else can. thats what i think. it keeps me here.
 
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I'mTrying
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7/7/11 2:09 PM
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Really want to die.
My mind is going in circles and keeps ending back in the same place.Everything is a struggle and I don't want to do this anymore. holding me back is how other people will be affected when they hear that I committed suicide. That's the last voice of reason left... Other reasons or motivations don't matter anymore. No respite from these feeelings, day or even night when the nightmares kick in
I feel completely useless and hopeless. lost in despair
 
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depressed
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7/7/11 2:58 PM
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Don't do anything-PLZ! You'll regret it later when life goes better! Think of your friends, spouse, children and the rest-how will they feel? I always think what my friend would do if I killed myself? We live for each other since she also has an ED and depression.
 
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channafofanna
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7/7/11 5:41 PM
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i can totly identify, Wishicouldbenormal, for the past years ive been living for others, not me...thats how it is sometimes. but i still also live to spite myslef, living is the bigest form of SI, its harder than dying sometimes.
do u have a doc?T? talk to anyone?
hang in tehre! ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))
 
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depressed
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7/7/11 11:37 PM
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btw I started biting myself but i shud probly start a new thread
 
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channafofanna
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7/8/11 4:22 PM
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biting, thats the worst cuz ur always able to do it (no razors etc needed)
out of curiosity do you have one spercific spot? cuz i do it only in one place, and yeah,
you shud make a new thread...
 
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paswerd99
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7/4/12 6:36 PM
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Hey i know how you feel, i have overdosed more than 20 times and thanks to hashem i feel so much better its a combination of therapy and the right medication and of course my determination to see my son getting married when i am at my lowest point there is a little voice inside my head which says who will bentch my son under the chupah and thats usually after i have taken 10 tablets but that thought keeps me from taking the rest of the package of tablets. Hold onto that thought and try to remember yr not alone, stay strong be in touch xxx
 
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wanttowin
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1/9/14 10:55 AM
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depressed- you're so lucky you know someone who has the same thing as you. I sometimes sit and just wish I knew someone who hurt themself too so i wouldnt feel alone


Edited: 1/9/14 at 10:56 AM by wanttowin
 
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channafofanna
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1/19/14 9:18 AM
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Im guessing you mean in "real life" right? cuz in cyber life I also hurt myself...
 
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wanttowin
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1/19/14 6:23 PM
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ya i mean real life....
 
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toy123
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1/19/14 6:52 PM
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wanttowin from personal experience it's not always easier to know someone who self harms. Sometimes it puts an extra burden on you. But on the other hand you're right it does make things easier sometimes....


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Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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channafofanna
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1/20/14 6:05 AM
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If you look around, you can see it... People do it and arent so good at hiding it... You just have to think if their excuses make sense...
 
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toy123
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1/20/14 9:05 AM
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Channa do you know how to hide it? I stopped going swimming because of my scars and for heavens sake I'm a lifegaurd.... Advice please??????


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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wanttowin
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1/22/14 8:01 PM
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toy, do you still lifeguard?

and chana- i think people are pretty good at hiding it. you seriously found people just because they couldn't hide it so well??
 
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toy123
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1/22/14 9:43 PM
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No because of my scars. I'm embarrassed....


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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channafofanna
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1/26/14 9:21 AM
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How to hide it- dont look or touch it. People notice what you are uncomfortable about. If you flaunt it it means theres nothing to hide so people arent as suspicious....Cocoa butter ( you can buy it in CVS) does WONDERS for removing scars. Apply it like 5 million times a day.
If you are still doing the self harm (not that I endorse it) it helps to get yourself hooked on another body part instead ( aka thighs, hips etc) so you can easily hide it. Also doing it in ways that look natrul, for example I have made cuts in the shape of a mosquito bite....it didnt really work so well but...)
To detect SI- look for cuts that are open way longer than usual, a person looking at certain cuts A LOT with this blank look in their eyes, look for people who dont roll up their sleeves or go swimming. Any cut that is perfectly straight or something like that is probably self inflicted... Wathc peoples hands. If they are fidling with their scalp all day etc... Bangs and makeup can indicate pulling hair. Hiding in the bathroom for a while... Thats what I have observed. People are generaly very good at hiding, but they cant totaly hide. Some people are more into hiding than others... If you look out for it you will find it.. Espesialy in public (like on the subway and streets cuz publicity breeds anomnity)
Another thing is people who talk about mental health stuff. Keep an eye on them, cuz even if they look like theyre making jokes about cutting and stuff, it cud be they are doing it...
Also, most people ask questions out of cuuriousity , like "what happened?" they arent saying that (usualy) as " im accusing you of SI" , most people are just oblivious...
I have found people.. not many, but there are people out there... IF you look hard enough long enough youll find someone....
Hope this helped a bit..
 
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