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TOPIC TITLE: Need encouragement
Created On 4/29/11 12:34 AM
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smilewithureyes
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4/29/11 12:34 AM
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I've been cutting for years, I was doing better for a while but i feel like im relapsing. Help?


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channafofanna
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5/1/11 4:59 PM
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Hey, Im sorry your relapsing, it definatley cant be fun!
would you care to share a little bit of whats going on? no pressure, only if you think it will help to get it off your chest
Hang in there!!!
 
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wishtobehappy
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had a crazy week, was in such pain at some points, literally had a hard time breeaathing.... I've struggled with the urges a lot but pushed, pushed, and pushed it, just don't know anymore how long I could last. my t's on vacation, which makes it easier to just give in, helpppp... I've felt better already, will the pain ever disappear for good, or will it always lurk just around the bend waiting for a chance to attack?
 
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channafofanna
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8/28/11 11:08 PM
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one thing i know- it cant get long term better if you cut, thats only for short term.. its ur choice, you know what you should pick....
 
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wishtobehappy
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ur absolutely right... unfortunately, knowing something intelectually doesn't usually help for the moment...
 
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smilewithureyes
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I used to think that evry time I felt like cutting the best thing to do was distract distract distract myself. But Ive learned that sometimes it's ok to validate my feelings, talk about them and just feel them. I don't kno if this is helpful but mayb it's a possibility? And if there's no one u feel comfortable sharing it with, were always here.... U go girl be strong <3


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wishtobehappy
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distraction is sometimes helpful but I find that it can make me anxious, it's usually better to feel it and/or talk to someone about it, problem is I don't have who to talk it over with these days, t's on vacation...


Edited: 8/29/11 at 10:51 PM by wishtobehappy
 
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channafofanna
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yeah, your right....
 
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chocnpeanutbutter
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well, people are back from vacation now, so that's good right?


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Edited: 9/8/11 at 4:41 PM by chocnpeanutbutter
 
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wishtobehappy
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right and welcome aboard!
 
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Ineedspace
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Don't know about you guys...my T still vacationing...duh
 
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wishtobehappy
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9/10/11 9:32 PM
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Hi, Shabbos was the pits, felt like a pressure cooker and basically survived by a miracle... now I just need another miracle to sustain me through the night... was plagued by severe anxiety past couple of days, not even sure why... and strong urges yesterday and today, but didn't give in yet...
 
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smilewithureyes
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dont give in!! ur amazing that uve held urself back this long and for real each time u dont pick up tht razor it gets easier and easier (i know how cliche it sounds but for real its true....). if you dont mind me asking tho, what r u so anxious about?


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chocnpeanutbutter
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9/11/11 1:35 PM
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By urges I'm guessing you mean suicidal ones? When I was having those pretty bad, my dad just kept reminding me that however bad it is now, it will only get worse if the deed is actually done. Even though you're probably saying, not possible, like I did at the time, it's true! Hope that helps. And remember, everything passes eventually, you just have to hang in there! You're amazing for holding on, you're really strong, don't forget that!


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wishtobehappy
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btw, it's a knife not a razor... but you're right, it does get easier, thanks for the support, am doing better today b"h... problem is as sick as it sounds, am not always sure I want to stop, if you know what I mean... but I guess if I'm still fighting it, then deep down I do... confusing... anyway, not even sure why I'm so anxious, but probably due to a buildup of intense emotions... am not too good at dealing with those... and my t was 'threatening,' which makes me feel stuck and anxious too, kinda like a catch-22... anyway, not sure if I'm make much sense, experiencing some brain fog at the moment...
 
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wishtobehappy
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chocnpeanutbutter, I saw your post only after I responded to smilewithureyes. by urges I meant burning and cutting, I'm over the suicidal ones b"h, hopefully for good. It does get better (and sometimes worse) as you said, it's just a very tiring process, thanks for responding though, I appreciate it.
 
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wishtobehappy
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been over a week since the last time but still struggling and seeing no end in sight.... still going crazy..... crazy.... crazy...... not sure how long I could still hold out....
 
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smilewithureyes
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I know exactly what u mean (unfortunatly:/) I sometimes feel like I'm a creep for doing what I do like what kind of insane person does this to herself???? And at the same time,sometimes it's all I can think about,dream about, fantasize about... So idk maybe I am insane but I really truly 100% get what ur feeling... If that's comforting at all...


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wishtobehappy
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a creep.. that's exactly what I feel like right now, even though I'm trying to stay positive about it... thanks so much for understanding...
 
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channafofanna
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a creep is someone who cuts and burns OTHERS, someone who self injures, is just in a lot of pain (yeah, im being mean to people who hurt others, but if its only to urself, i dont think ur a creep) it just means u hurt and ur sensitive and u wanna take it out on urself so u x do it on s1 else...
 
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wishtobehappy
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you do have a point, but to a lesser extent SI also affects others...
 
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smilewithureyes
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what do u mean by tht


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wishtobehappy
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well, the people close to you, if they know about the behaviour, are usually very bothered by it, being that I'm married it's kinda hard to hide... and my T gets really upset about it too.
anyway, I needed medical attention last time I gave in, it was humiliating, I made a conscious decision to really give it up for good and really hope I can swing it...
 
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Aba
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>I made a conscious decision to really give it up for good and really hope I can swing it...
Good luck


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"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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wishtobehappy
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thanks, I sure could use it.
 
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channafofanna
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yep!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!! you sound like such a strong person, that im pretty sure u can be ur best and hang on...
 
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wishtobehappy
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thanks chan, could sure use some extra strength to get me safely through rosh hashana. will try to pray extra hard for everyone on here, and am hoping against hope that moshiach will show up already...
may we all have a kesiva v'chasima tova and a sweet sweet year...
 
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channafofanna
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amen!!!!
 
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wishtobehappy
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here they go again the urges, I just feel absolutely FED UP right now, so sick and tired of fighting them and fighting to keep anxiety at bay all day, guess I should just go to sleep... just need to release that pent up frustration before I call it a night...
 
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gad
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10/6/11 12:05 AM
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just noticed your post.

I'm here in case you want to talk.

Hope to hear good news.


Edited: 10/6/11 at 12:09 AM by gad
 
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wishtobehappy
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hi! nice to have people on, makes you feel less lonely...
 
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gad
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10/6/11 12:14 AM
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are you managing better now?
 
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wishtobehappy
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trying to... am considering whether to take something before I go to bed and risk feeling yucky tomorrow, don't know if it's worth it but I just wanna take a triple dose and conk out... I sure could use the break...
 
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gad
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10/6/11 12:19 AM
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do you mean triple dose sleeping pill?
 
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wishtobehappy
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triple dose tranquilizer, sleeping pills give you an even worse hangover, totally not worth it for me.
 
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gad
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are you allowed (by your doctor) to take the triple dose if you need it?
 
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wishtobehappy
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nope, saw him today, and he would only prescribe seven at a time, and I'm not suicidal, so I don't know his motives, but I don't think three is considered an overdose at all...
 
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gad
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i guess you know your situation best
 
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wishtobehappy
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am not so sure about that anymore, but thanks for responding... think it's time to call it a night, kids will be waking up in a coupla hours...
 
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gad
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ok. have a good night. and a gemar chasima toiva for the whole family
 
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wishtobehappy
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thanks! you too. way we all meet up in yerushalayim soon...
 
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channafofanna
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amen!!! and maybe then we wont have to hide behind the computer...
 
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chocnpeanutbutter
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I wish. Why do we have to hide all this, it's not like we did something wrong.


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wishtobehappy
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well, is anyone ready to come out of hiding? I think I might be...
 
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chocnpeanutbutter
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what in the world do you mean by that?!?! This sounds interesting...


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wishtobehappy
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what I meant was, that I sometimes don't care if people know who I am, if they themselves are going through something similar, or at least are understanding of these issues. and I have been open with some friends about it, so coming out of hiding is not so threatening to me...
 
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channafofanna
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yeah but the interntet is full of crazy people (ha, its funny that i x think of all us who are "officialy crazy" as crazy...) you know what i mean... anyone can read FS... and does us knowing ur name rly make a dif for the good anyway????
just b careful, k?
 
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wishtobehappy
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don't worry, I'll admit that some parts of my brain do need some tweaking, but I think my common sense is still very much intact.... usually.... anyway, I'm not 'crazy' enough to post my name here, if that's what you meant, I was thinking along the lines of sharing information discreetly, like e-mails and stuff, and I wasn't being awefully serious when I posted about coming out of hiding, it was just the first thing that came to mind, but again, under certain circumstances I wouldn't mind.... if that makes any sense to you...
 
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Aba
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>sharing information discreetly, like e-mails and stuff,
wishtobehappy,
I know what you mean, a few times I happened to pick up on people who are in similar situations as I am in. Instead of just ignoring it I, eventually, went over and started a conversation. I found it incredible to speak to someone in the same boat as I in.

Kol Yuv


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"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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wishtobehappy
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yeah, totally know what you mean, you get that 'high' from feeling so understood, no need for words, feels sorta like being 'partners in crime'....
 
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