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TOPIC TITLE: Do I want it?
Created On 6/23/13 11:36 PM
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I'mTrying
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6/23/13 11:36 PM
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My therapist keeps telling me that the only way for me to get better is to be nicer to myself, stop judging myself, stop punishing myself, stop beating myself up in any way possible etc. Problem is, I can only do that when I have the willpower. I can't seem to get the crucial bit of the cycle. the miilion dollar Q. is How on earth do I get myself to WANT to get better?
 
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channafofanna
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6/24/13 9:49 AM
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I think a lot of us here are struggling with that same thing. Were miserable but dont think we deserve to be happy so we dont try.... Did your therapist have any suggestions for this?
 
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star
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6/24/13 1:12 PM
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For a while I was working on changing my thoughts. putting signs on my wall like i deserve only compassion.
now im in the stage(healthy or not) where i cant deal with the battle of thoughts so i just do a lot of distraction.
that may be due to a change of meds though, the less obsessive thoughts. serequol possibly.
i dont know the answer. maybe by physically treating yourself better- get a manicure, go buy s/t for yourself, hang out with friends who make you feel good about yourself, take a bubble bath, have ice cream- you may subconsciously feel worthy of being nice to yourself?



-------------------------
there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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channafofanna
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6/24/13 4:54 PM
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Or oposite extreme maybe. Think about how horible your life and once you hit rock bottom you can only go up...but that can backfire big time...
 
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I'mTrying
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6/24/13 6:09 PM
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Thanks guys for your support.
Yeah... I go in cycles. depression and barely hanging on to life, to defiance and being vicious and hateful to myself, and then I wake up one morning and I have willpower, I am grateful to be me, the sun is shining "what a wonderful world!" (song written I forgot by whom) I can take care of myself, I am worth it, Gd loves me etc etc. Lasts anywhere between a couple hrs to a few days.. and then I slide deep deep down into cavernous darkness. So I constantly feel like I'm soon going to hit rock bottom and then maybe i bounce really high. I do. I bounce really, really really high and then crash again... story of my life. I don't think doing stuff for myself has any lasting positive effect.
 
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channafofanna
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6/24/13 9:38 PM
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yeah, but every low that is a drop less low is so worth it!!! even if the next low is just as bad as usual...
 
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keep climbing
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6/25/13 5:41 AM
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Agree with you, Channa.
All these efforts are worth it.
Just gotta keep trying!
 
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