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TOPIC TITLE: ITS NOT FAIR!!!
Created On 6/28/13 6:33 PM
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star
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6/28/13 6:33 PM
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I AM SO ANGRY!!!!
my stupid laptop that i paid 200 for instead of a session with my doc, wont work specifically in my house!!! it works in my neighbors house though. but she is too busy to let her husband to come over and although i help her cook etc she cant have me for a meal ever cuz they have bachurim!!!its not fair!either i need a father or a husband!!!!!!even a brother!!!!!!my brother barely talks to me, is not supportive at all!!!THIS IS NOT FAIR! WHY DO I DESERVE THIS WHEN OTHER PPL FIND HUSBANDS SO EASILY OR GREW UP WITH A HEALTHY FATHER OR NICE BIG BROTHERS! I EVEN HAD AN OLDER BROTHER BUT HE DIED BEFORE I WAS EVEN BORN! WHY DOES GD HATE ME SO MUCH?????????????????????????????????
and my moms husband is a jeweler so right now downstairs hes showing an engaged couple wedding rings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!and i know this girl, she is happy go lucky great childhood and friends and family.
THIS IS NOT FREAKING FAIR, YOU HEAR ME GD???????????????I WANT TO CRY BUT I DONT WANT THEM TO HEAR!!!!!!!!!
WHY WHY WHY????????????????
IM SO LONELY AND I NEED SOMEONE TO CARE FOR ME, TO FIX MY STUPID COMPUTER,TO GIVE ME COMPANY SO I DONT HAVE TO WATCH TV ALL SHABBOS WHICH MAKES ME FEEL SO GUILTY!!!!!!!!!
AND IM NOT REALLY TALKING TO MY MOM SO I CANT EVEN VENT TO A REAL PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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channafofanna
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7/1/13 1:37 PM
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(((((HUGS))))) sorry i didnt see this before. you feeling better?
 
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star
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7/1/13 2:08 PM
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thanks channa. a little i guess


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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ShtarkeMentch
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7/1/13 11:02 PM
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We are real people
And we love you and care about you even if our own struggles make hard to communicate that sometimes.

Do you have a younger brother? Or any sisters that you are close to? (besides the one who hurt you)
It is so hard to see people goin through good times when we are goin through bad times.

 
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I'mTrying
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7/3/13 10:15 PM
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Hey Star-
I haven't seen any posts from you in the past few days. Are you doing ok?
 
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star
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7/4/13 9:47 AM
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thank you, I so appreciate ur concern. I've been away from home and the comp. I found a place to live here but no job. I'm in a tough sitch. I dated a sweet guy last night but then he started telling me he can't be shomer in a relationship and he's not dating to get married right away. And then we were sitting next to eachother and he started holding my hand etc. And then asked me if I was comfortable with it and I said not really or it's new to me,i don't remember.then later he saw I looked upset so he asked why ad I said I'm getiing mixed messages, if ur touching me it means you want to get close to me but then ur saying you don't know ur ready for a relationship for marriage and I don't know if you even want to see me again. And he actually admitted he's confused about if he's attracted or if it's just hormones! But he's also really sweet and cool. But I'm overweight so idk why he even likes me on a physical level or if he's just using me. Truth is the touching didn't even feel good cuz there wasn't really an emotional connection behind it and I felt he was doing it more for himself then for me, if at all. I know this sounds crazy and I should run the other way.but I'm so so lonely. And I've never had a normal guy interested in me before. And I have no idea if and when I'll find my bashert, I don't trust hashem to make it happen soon. But deep down I don't really think this guy could be the one.im so confused.


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I'mTrying
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7/4/13 12:14 PM
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Sounds like a tough situation. Unfortunately, I don't feel qualified to give advice bc I only dated for a year before stopping 6 years ago. But sending you lotsa ((((HUGS)))) and hoping that Hashem gives you the clarity that you need.
And thanks for replying.
 
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keep climbing
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7/5/13 6:28 AM
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Star, where are you living now?
 
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star
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7/5/13 9:55 AM
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I've been staying with dif ppl this week so I could have therapy twice a week but next week imyh I may be moving here. It's like an hour from my home. Why?


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keep climbing
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7/5/13 10:05 AM
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Just wondering.....It's brave of you to leave your family?
Is that what it is?
(You don't have to answer if you don't want to.)
 
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star
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7/5/13 3:27 PM
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yes im trying to be more independent and not depend on my mom so much but its really hard. im scared ill be lonely away from home. although i just made a new 'friend' but i dont know how long it'll last and they dont want me to become to attached. which is hurtful in truth but i still cant give it up even though i might get rejected later on. but now i am away from this person and even more lonely, cant even text on shabbos. its like this a aching aching hole in me. it scares me. i try to hide from it but i cant. it runs after me and plunders my soul.
i need someone to hug me , just to want me even on a physical level. and now that i have it i cant live without it. but i am away. and so the aching aching hole that cant be filled...


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channafofanna
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7/6/13 10:30 PM
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(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))
wish i cud just reach through the screen adn do rthat...
 
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star
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7/6/13 10:37 PM
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aww thanks so much channa. its this guy i met. i thought he would come tonight but he says hes going to sleep which idk is true or hed rather do s/t else then spend time with me. stupid i know but im so desperate for any attention...


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star
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7/6/13 10:39 PM
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whoops he texted me he meant will you be going to sleep soon. so maybe he does wanna hang out....i feel like such a loser but Gd knows i tried so hard shidduch dating! no more energy even if this will hurt me in the long run.


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channafofanna
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7/6/13 10:44 PM
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i wish there was an emoticon to shoy sympathy/empathy..... or at least words to say it...
 
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I'mTrying
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7/6/13 10:48 PM
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You just did Channa
I really hope this goes well for you Star.
I'll be thinking of you (was gonna say praying but that's too much for me at this point)
 
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channafofanna
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7/6/13 11:01 PM
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Thanks
Its ok WishICouldBeNormal.... I was just praying for both of you!!!!!! and good for you for realizing hwat is to much for you!!!
 
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star
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7/6/13 11:06 PM
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thanks guys! so hes coming....


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I'mTrying
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7/6/13 11:11 PM
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yippee!
HAve fun!!!!
 
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channafofanna
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7/6/13 11:13 PM
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YAY!!!!
 
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star
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7/6/13 11:14 PM
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lol i guess you didnt read my other post yet in ur thread.


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channafofanna
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7/6/13 11:21 PM
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ooh!! you guessed right... i guess i am speeechles...
 
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I'mTrying
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7/6/13 11:21 PM
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heheeh you mean the one I just responded to??
 
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star
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7/26/13 12:26 AM
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UGHHHHHH saw the stupid guy tonight. he hadnt answered my texts or calls all week and then he finds me and says r u mad at me so i fake it badly. then he says u shud date so i said dont flatter urself im not attached to u. lie again. Men are jerks. not all but most. so here i am alone again. screw this life. going to a singles shabbas but scared of ther skinny outgoing girls ill have to compete with for the guys. i HATE DATING.......WHEN GD WILL U DECIDE IVE SUFFERED ENOUGH?????I HATE U!!!


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star
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8/14/13 10:30 PM
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so.....guy number fifteen........just came back from third date with him, hes nice, considerate, polite......but just doesnt have the emotional depth that i need. am i missing the boat?
i need someone who can completely understand me. is that too much to ask for?Gd, please lets stop playing games!!!


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