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TOPIC TITLE: I want to commit suicide
Created On 7/26/13 12:24 PM
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toy123
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7/26/13 12:24 PM
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Help!!!! Someone help. I'm lost!!!! In this huge vast forest called emotions. I don't know what I'm feeling, but I am feeling sad, alone, depressed and I'm hurting bad very bad. I know committing suicide won't help so for now I still have the strength to fight the urge... But I'm a time bomb, ready to explode at anytime. I feel hopeless. Will I ever get better? People say I exaggerate things, that may be true but I'm still in pain. Help this pain stop!!!!! Please!!!!!


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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TBear
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7/26/13 1:19 PM
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Toy123

Of course you want to escape such intense emotional pain.....

Is there anything you can do to try to express the pain and try to get your mind working with it.... It helps me when I get to that overwhelmed point to go through a checklist of things that help such as.... read tehillim (psalms), write in my journal, draw - even color a coloring page, take a walk, call a phone line for help and the sound of a human voice.....

Please hang on.... let us know how you are.... (((hug)))
 
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keep climbing
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7/26/13 1:58 PM
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(((((HUGS)))))
Oy, Toy. It's awful to feel that horrible.
Do something. Anything. But any movement forward will help, I think. Don't let yourself drown in these thoughts.
It will get better, IY"H.
We're davening for you.
 
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MoMo
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7/26/13 2:09 PM
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Can you call/text/email your therapist or doctor?
 
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star
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7/26/13 2:52 PM
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toy! im so shocked. im so sorry youre feeling so low!!!!
ive totally been there.
you ask if things will change- they will imyh. im doing much better then i was a few weeks ago due to my move to monsey.
you deserve all the love in the world and more, toy!!!!
sending hugs your way!
please keep posting and letting me know how ur doing!


-------------------------
there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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HopefulMommy
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7/26/13 2:57 PM
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I'm sorry you're feeling so awful. (((Hugs))) Hang in there! We're here for you.
 
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toy123
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7/31/13 11:03 PM
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Feeling a bit better. Went away last night till today afternoon, so that helped a bit.... My worry is that I'm on vacation and don't know how to occupy myself....


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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HopefulMommy
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So glad you're feeling better! Thanks for the update. I guess you can come here and post more if you can't find something to do.
 
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toy123
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8/7/13 12:43 PM
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Now I really want to die! I even have a suicide note in my head.... I promise everyone would be better off with me dead. I get up in the morning and already I'm angry. I cause pain to all around. I can't anymore!!!!!!


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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HopefulMommy
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Toy, we need you here!! I missed you when you were in the hospital. It's your depression that's telling you these things. When you're depressed everything feels hopeless. But that's not the reality. That's a symptom of depression. Here's the other side of the story: you mean so much to all of us here! You're valuable, just the way you are. You are loved unconditionally, at least here on this forum. I know you can't see this other side right now, but just keep in mind that it exists, and that your negative thoughts are coming from chemical triggers, not from reality.

I wish I could take your pain away! (((Hugs)))
 
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Mimi1022
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8/7/13 5:24 PM
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Ok let us know when you decide to do it so we can say goodbye! Best of luck!
 
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keep climbing
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((((HUGS)))))
It's horrible to feel like that.....
We're all with you.
Hope you feel better soon.
Keep posting.
 
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toy123
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Mimi "thanks" for ur concern. Didn't know that's the way one tries to help a person in pain. I never wish upon you the pain I am suffering and the feeling of death only being the way out.

To all u others who really care, I saw my therapist today so I'm a bit calmed down. If anyone has any ideas of how I can lift myself out of this depression I'd appreciate it...


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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Mimi1022
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8/7/13 7:32 PM
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Of course, it's no problem at all! I'm here to help when you need it. Glad it helped.

In terms of depression something that really helped me is coming across people with bigger problems than mine. Over Pesach I volunteered at HASC and so realized my problems were not as big as someone who is not even able to speak. I felt so bad for some kids who were really sick there that I stopped thinking about my problems all day. I'm working with a client right now who is losing his house and I feel terrible for him and his kids. It's hard to be depressed when you see real problems in the Jewish community. It definitely put things into perspective for me and made me feel grateful for what I have. That can be more powerful than antidepressants, even.

So my advice would be to volunteer. From personal experience it can take your mind off your own pain and boost your self esteem knowing you are helping people.

Again, Hatzlacha with things! Let us know how things work out. You'll be ok.

PS What are you up to these days? School? Working?


Edited: 8/7/13 at 7:34 PM by Mimi1022
 
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star
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i dont know, that can feel invalidating to me-to compare my problems to someone elses. My therapist used to tell me that the gemara says that even picking out the wrong coin from your pocket is considered pain i think. and then theres the halacha of giving tzedaka to a rich person, with horses to run before him, because thats what hes used to. meaning poor is dependent on what the person is used to having. meaning for each person the pain is different and noone can judge it for him. anyways im always thinking other ppls problems are worse, i think a lot of us do, so i need to validate myself that my problem is worthy of being depressed about.


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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TBear
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Toy -

I've been struggling with the same idea for the last month or so - even wrote the note in my journal... the intensity goes and comes... lifting a bit with the simplest of stuff - getting the body moving at intervals during the day - walking or steps, or just something..... and getting enough sleep - even if it is hard or I wake up - trying relaxation techniques in bed for 7-8 hours a night..... Those two things at least help me stay on steadier emotional footing - this advice brought to you by my therapist.....

hang on - it is awful to feel that way - try to be compassionate to you -
 
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HopefulMommy
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I agree with star.

Toy, I wish I had a magic way to get you out of depression. Unfortunately, it comes and goes. Hang in there!
 
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toy123
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Mimi I don't know what u read or didn't read but ur advice was definitely NOT helpful it was actually very hurtful. Very very hurtful. Telling someone in pain ok so no problem commit suicide just let me know before is selfish, invalidating, and outright mean...

In terms of ur advice that wasn't either helpful. I don't need to compare myself to others. I have my own problems and it's not that I don't care about others problems I don't need to take that onto my head as well. I'm looking for some comfort not telling me oh that person's problems are worse than yours so yours don't matter...


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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Mimi1022
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8/11/13 5:38 PM
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I don't usually like to engage with people- especially on a crazy person website.

At any rate, all I can say is the following:

I think reaching out for help is a great first step. I don't think anyone should suffer in silence. However: if you are truly suicidal, then do us all a favor and get some real help, like calling 911, a suicide hotline, or your local emergency room. If you do not want to call police the suicide hotline can do it for you. Suicidal ideation is not a joke. This website is no place for treatment because obviously we are not mental health professionals.

If you not suicidal and are simply looking for attention: there are better ways to express yourself than threatening suicide. I think saying "Aww! Sweetie pie! So sorry!" is completely useless for someone who is supposedly in a severe mental health crisis. Just ask any ER psychiatrist.

Am I being brutally honest? Yes, I am, because like I said anything short of an emergency psychiatric evaluation is not going to help so no, I won't be sending balloons and a card for your suicidal crisis.








Edited: 8/11/13 at 6:00 PM by Mimi1022
 
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keep climbing
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Mimi, did you ever feel suicidal?
 
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toy123
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Mimi first of all "I don't usually like to engage with people- especially on a crazy person website" A. makes you crazy just like the rest of us Which by the way we're not crazy or mentally disabled and you should know that best since you worked with such people and "supposedly" help people.... and B. why do you post here only we're the crazies you're cured? No wonder the "wierdo sent you flowers and liked you. You're a wierdo like him, you'd make a great couple. I just pity your kids since they will nebach have a mother who doesn't know how to console... Just by the way yes I was suicidal and posting it here to get some sympathetic answers and it helps me calm down knowing that I told someone. It takes some of the pain away and YES it's easier posting it here than calling a suicide hotline....

Yea by the way were you ever suicidal? I don't think so cuz if yes you'd respond differently.

I'm working VERY hard to be you dan lekaf zechus.


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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HopefulMommy
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There is no such thing as "simply looking for attention."

And toy, I'd be happy to send you balloons and a card any time. Problem is, they usually don't help much. But we're here to hold your hand.
 
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MoMo
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8/11/13 11:48 PM
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Toy,
I am in your corner and feel your pain. I feel obligated to defend you. What Mimi said was hurtful and thus wrong!!
And I too would send you flowers and balloons...
We are here for you and love you -in just the same way that you've been here for us and for me particularly!!

When I was really down it was your words that lifted me the most!!!
We love you just the way you are!!!!

Don't let Mimi's words get you down!
We don't share her sentiments.


Edited: 8/11/13 at 11:49 PM by MoMo
 
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star
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mimi your words shocked me. I think you definitely could use another disgnosis. In any case, it takes one to know one, so if you think were crazy welcome to the club . But I'd say a pretty basic rule here is not to belittle anyone.i am writing in self defense and for toy123 and whoever else you affected. Honestly, I feel very bad for you that you are lacking such a crucial midah:empathy,like toy said, essenstial for child rearing. Before you go diagnosing other people as you have done here before, I really suggest you get more help and clarity. Just my two cents. Toy, I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself. And of everyone for defending you. I wish there were no altercations that's why I moved here but I guess it's inevitable in some cases. I feel really mean now but I hate seeing ppl bullied. I couldn't stick up for myself as a child but I can and will now. Please watch what you say,mimi.


-------------------------
there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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wishtobehappy
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Well said, star. I agree with hopeful and Momo. Toy, we're always here for you (even if we can't always post).
 
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toy123
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Thanks guys for making me feel better. At least I know someone cares. It means A LOT to me!!


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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I'mTrying
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+100000000000000000 to MoMo, Star, wishtobehappy, hopefulmommy and keepclimbing.
We love you, toy, and you make this world a brighter place for me. Please try to remember that when the darkness is getting bigger and swallowing you.
I wish I could convey that more eloquently.
 
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I'mTrying
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How are you feeling today,Toy?
 
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Lasthope
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A rebetzin tolde some very wise words a few weeks ago: "Hurt people, hurt people." Need i say more?
Toy, you are 100% entitled to our sympathies for feeling suicidal. I have been suicidal a few times these past few months and this website helped me feel less alone. Its a wonderful place, and i thank Hashem every day for finding it.
 
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MoMo
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Last hope, what does that mean?
 
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Lasthope
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Hurt people are the ones who hurt people
 
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MoMo
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Haha ok that makes sense
I thought she was issuing a fatwa to everyone to hurt as many people as possible... made me wonder if you're Muslim or if your rebbetzin is ;-)
 
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Lasthope
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Lol neither of us are muslims thats for sure !
 
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MoMo
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Ok thanks for reassuring us
You had us worried ;-)
 
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wishtobehappy
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thanks for the chuckle
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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I realize I am a late-comer to this discussion, but would like to respond.
A) I don't think this a "crazy person website". Quite frankly, I think that statement is offensive and represents the backward thinking that has kept the frum world in the dark ages regarding mental health issues. I am frequently inspired by the courage and compassion of the members that contribute here, as we all struggle with life difficulties.

B) I agree that volunteer work and other meaningful activities can be useful in helping people climb out of depression, and that there can be a fine line between "validating feelings" and "enabling" dysfunctional thoughts and behaviors. To this, I say it is important to know the person, and take TIMING into account (see Pirkei Avos 4:23).

C) I don't think it is helpful to compare our pain to others' in order to feel valid that our pain is legitimate. On the other hand, seeing other people's circumstances can help us put our struggles in perspective and help us get in touch with the brachos in our lives. Also, seeing others overcome adversity and struggle to remain positive is incredibly inspiring for me.
May we all have a year full of good health, success and meaningful connection to each other and Hashem!
a lynn
 
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gad
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Thank you for your reply, and for your professional, interesting, and Torah-based insights.

It's especially helpful how you explain the fine lines.

I tried to find pirkei ovos 4:23, but in two editions that I looked at, it only goes till 4:22.

Kesiva vichasima toivo.
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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Thanks. Complete Artscroll Siddur after Shabbos Mincha (p.568):
"Rabbi Shimon ben Elazar says: Do not not appease your fellow in the time of his anger, do not console him while his dead lies before him, do not question him about his vow at the time he makes it, and do not attempt to see him at the time of his degradation".
In other words, we can challenge our friends (l'shaim shamayim), but timing and sensitivity are important.
a lynn
 
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gad
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Thanks
 
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HopefulMommy
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Thank you Dr. Lynn for your input, and Gad for your help!

Toy, how are you doing now?
 
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star
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-------------------------
there is light at the end of the tunnel

Edited: 9/3/13 at 1:43 PM by star
 
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MoMo
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Thank you Dr. Lyn for stopping by and offering your insight!!
We missed you...
 
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star
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-------------------------
there is light at the end of the tunnel

Edited: 9/3/13 at 1:42 PM by star
 
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MoMo
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Star, I didn't mean it like that!
I too do not like the approach of "enabling".

I am just thankful to Dr. Lynn for commenting at all -he doesn't get paid for this!

I did not mean to invalidate!!!
 
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star
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-------------------------
there is light at the end of the tunnel

Edited: 9/3/13 at 1:42 PM by star
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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Star-
I can't tell if you are "speaking" to MoMo or me? I don't think anyone was trying to "foil" you.
a lynn
 
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star
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i edited my posts not because i think im wrong, just rather ive some to the conclusion that sadly some will not even try to understand so why try?


-------------------------
there is light at the end of the tunnel

Edited: 9/3/13 at 1:42 PM by star
 
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I'mTrying
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It must be so painful to feel like others are out to get you.
I don't believe that most people on here are trying to trip you up, but I can only speak for myself when I say that I really and truly only want the best for you.
I appreciate the guidelines that you posted. I hope that will make our true intentions easier to decipher.
Have a Good Yom Tov
 
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star
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not most, but some.....


-------------------------
there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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