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TOPIC TITLE: in a bad place
Created On 1/24/14 4:09 PM
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I'mTrying
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1/24/14 4:09 PM
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So far I have not been michalel shabbos in any major way. I feel so horrible I don't really know what I want I just need to stop the pain. Really want to watch movies tonight and tomorrow I dont even know if that'll help. Its a toss up between SI and that. Or being strong and not doing either one. I don't want to be strong at this point. Just tired
 
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gad
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1/24/14 4:16 PM
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I'll daven for you
Hope to hear good news
Have a good Shabbos
 
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I'mTrying
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1/24/14 4:32 PM
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Thanks gad. I'm sorry to be so needy and demanding I hope this doesn't come out that way but does anyone whos been in this place have anything to offer...? I'm really desperate.
 
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I'mTrying
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1/24/14 4:34 PM
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Edited: 1/24/14 at 4:37 PM by I'mTrying
 
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keep climbing
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1/25/14 6:42 PM
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How was Shabbos, I'm Trying?
 
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I'mTrying
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1/25/14 11:15 PM
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Thanks for asking. BH I got through it without doing anything stupid even though it was painful.
 
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channafofanna
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1/26/14 9:28 AM
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good for you!!!!
 
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gad
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1/27/14 12:04 PM
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I'm glad you managed.

I hope things get easier for you.
 
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star
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1/30/14 3:05 PM
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sorry to post so late. i got a heter from a rav to turn on my dvd player with a fork on shabbos, even being in a state of 'choli'-sick, not just life threatening sit. and this was from rav cohen who i recently found to be judgemental. try rav neiman, if you need his number,pm me. DONT FEEL GUILTY if you need to be mechalel. Pls remember that hashem knows the truth more then anyone in real life or even here, hamaivin yavin. And He understands you and gave you this pain, wow this is talking to myself and making me tear up. love and hugs to you, im trying.


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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I'mTrying
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Thank you star. hugs back to you
 
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MoMo
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MoMo
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I'm trying,
I didn't see this thread till now not sure why.
How did this week go?

What triggered this down?

We are here for you!!!
 
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I'mTrying
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2/1/14 10:20 PM
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It was a very difficult week but bH I had a good session on Friday with my new therapist and that was very helpful. I don't really know what triggered it but I'm hoping this will be a better week as much as I'm dreading it.
Thanks for the support. It means more than I could say.
 
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I'mTrying
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Unfortunately I do not regret the SI that went on this week...
 
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HopefulMommy
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2/2/14 12:49 AM
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(((Hugs))) hope this week goes better!
 
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MoMo
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2/2/14 7:41 PM
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I'm Trying how are you doing today?
 
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I'mTrying
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2/3/14 9:15 PM
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bleh
depression is making itself at home
I actually called a friend today and asked if i could hang out at her place and then I just didn't go
suicide is a welcome thought
 
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I'mTrying
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2/3/14 9:26 PM
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Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything really dangerous. It just feels comforting to think about doing violence to myself. My kind of 'self-soothing'.


Edited: 2/3/14 at 9:27 PM by I'mTrying
 
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keep climbing
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I'm Trying-how are you doing?
 
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getMeOutOfHere
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2/4/14 8:01 PM
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When I'm in a bad place, keeping shabbos is really hard, so I get where you are coming from. From my own experience, sometimes its just too hard to fight everything at once. When you're fighting the urges to self-harm, keeping shabbos can be hell. Watching a movie or listening to music really makes it easier to keep yourself safe. Don't be hard on yourself. You know what's important right now.

I'm really sorry that you're having such a hard time. Is there anything that you can do to comfort yourself beside SI?
 
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I'mTrying
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If yesterday was an 8/10 on a depression scale, today was a 9. pretty scary. All I could do all day was curl up in bed from pain and try to distract myself with movies - until I drugged myself to sleep. A day from Hell.
I forced myself to go to work tonight. Usually it helps me get out of my head. Tonight- well, lets just say it didn't work. And I made for one terrible employee.
It can't get much worse than this.
 
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keep climbing
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2/5/14 5:54 AM
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Hugs!!!
Wsh I knew what to say to make you feel better!
Meanwhile, please remember that we're all here with you; thinking oof you and davening for you.
 
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HopefulMommy
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2/5/14 6:57 PM
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That's really hard! (((Hugs)))
 
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I'mTrying
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I know I can't kill myself on purpose, but maybe by mistake...? Will i burn in Hell forever if i do something stupid and i die? This pain is too much to handle.
 
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I'mTrying
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2/5/14 9:58 PM
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Everything is so complicated. I don't have the energy or willpower to figure things out. There's no one to do it for me. i'm on my own and alone
 
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star
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2/5/14 11:00 PM
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hugs hugs hugs. u r SUCH A SPECIAL PERSON. u dont deserve this pain at all. even tho the horrible depression is telling u LIES about urself, can i remind u that u r one of the ppl i most admire here, your caring heart and sensitivity, your empathy, your validation,and when u cant give its cuz U CANT. SENDING LOVE. hope this helped.


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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gad
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Quote

Originally posted by: I'mTrying
It was a very difficult week but bH I had a good session on Friday with my new therapist and that was very helpful. I don't really know what triggered it...


I wonder if adjusting to a new therapist may have triggered it.
 
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gad
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Hope to hear good news.
 
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keep climbing
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I'm Trying, how are you feeling?
 
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