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TOPIC TITLE: SI
Created On 10/31/06 4:18 PM
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Holding on
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10/31/06 4:18 PM
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I know there is already a place to post about SI, but what about when it becomes an addiction? When you like seeing the blood... Even when I get an accidental cut, (of coarse my mother doesn't believe that it wasn't on purpose...) I mess w/ it, don't let it heal, just to keep seeing the blood... and the pain feels good.
I keep thinking about SI-ing even if I won't do it bec. then I have to answer to my T...

Suggestions anyone??
 
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aquabelle
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10/31/06 4:37 PM
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there's a book called a bright red scream or s/t like that. i didn't read it but my therapist read it when i couldn't stop cutting. maybe it has answers?
 
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Holding on
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10/31/06 11:49 PM
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Haven't heard of it, but I can try and get my hands on it. Thanks.
It's not like I cut all the time, but I think about it pretty often. Anytime I would love to cut, but control myself bec. I don't want to answer to my T, I picture myself cutting... it's tempting... and hard... (like if I don't tell anyone, no one would know the difference, so... ) Oh boy, I'm messed up !
 
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killedlastyear
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i think its addicting. i got the point where i couldnt fall asleep at night unless i did it.
 
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Holding on
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11/6/06 10:41 AM
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I never did it so regularly - as to not be able to fall asleep, but it's sometimes very hard to control. Check my post under 'Self Injury' - I thought I was going to lose it that time! B"H I got thru it, but I'm worried about next time...
It sounds like you really had it hard. How'd you get over it?
Looking for any tips, suggestions...

Thanks and be well
 
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killedlastyear
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11/6/06 7:42 PM
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who me? i havent gotten over it quite yet. i still do it around once a month and lately even a little more frequently than that. the main reason i stopped was because i didnt want to disapoint a close friend of mine. but now that its winter and i wear long sleaves anyway i've started up again but not as bad.
but if you want to quit. which i don't really. but it sounds like you do.
you just have to tell yourself that this is what you want.
and that you're beautiful.
and you deserve to have a beautiful body.
free of cuts and scratches and w/e.
that G-d wants you to have a clean beautiful body.
that whatever is going on in your life it isn't your fault. and there is no reason to punish yourself.
just be strong! think of every time you want to cut as a test. a test you must pass! fight it fight it! like a person who's on a diet and just really wants that cookie! they want to fight to not have the cookie because they don't want to get the calories!
you have to fight against cutting for whatever reason it is (you don't want the scars, you don't want to hurt yourself, because of reasons to do with G-d, whatever you reasons for wanting to not do it are). so that's your battle. and just use all of whatever emotion you're going through to fight it. gather up your pain against yourself and turn it into determination and hatred towards the razor of whatever you use. you will not let a piece of metal control you!
and then you get to spend the next X minutes/hours fighting the urge and trying to distract yourself with other things.

by the way if you're interested you can go to recoveryourlife.com and they have ideas to do to distract yourself and websites with free computer games to play to distract yourself and that kind of stuff. i havent looked at the list of ideas they have but if it interests you you can go on over and have a look.

good luck!!!!!! stay strong.

sorry if i sound pathetic trying to give you advise even though i have no interest in stopping. but i've dieted in the past and i know what its like to have such a big urge to do something and to have to tell yourself no. and i have tried to stop cutting in the past and this method did help. it's just right now i don't see the point in not doing it, blah blah blah i think you read what i wrote in the other SI post so you know about that already.
 
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killedlastyear
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11/6/06 7:43 PM
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and i spelled advice wrong. oops.

Edit: and i just realized that i could have just edited that post and corrected the spelling. but too late cuz i already made this post and i dont know how to delete it. hehe.


Edited: 11/6/06 at 7:45 PM by killedlastyear
 
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Holding on
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11/7/06 10:01 PM
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KLY, you sound like someone w/ a lot of personality! Hey, at least you made me smile!

Every time I want to cut, I work at controling myself, and no kidding, it's hard, but I really want to stop so I'm doing my best. I'm actually very proud of it - I haven't done it a really long time, (although Ialmost did after arguing w/ my sister...). I want to do it for me. I know it feels like you're in control when you do it, but really, it's just the opposite. You're being controlled by the razor (or whatever you use) bec. you know it's not good for you, but feel the need to do it anyway... Yeah, I know, you've heard it all b4, but I still have to convince myself sometimes..
But as I just told my T, one of the things that make it so hard to stop, is that you can cut and nobody would know the difference. So it must be something you really want to do for yourself.

Be honest w/ your friend, if that'll be a reason for you to stop. Bring up the subject. Let her ask how you're doing, if you're still doing it...
Just a suggestion

btw, anything specific (other than winter and oppurtunity to cut and hide) that's making you cut now? Did you discuss it w/ your T?

Thanks for your tips, suggestions, encouragement...

Be well and remember, do it for YOURSELF!
 
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aquabelle
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11/7/06 11:05 PM
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also, remember that the more u do it, the worse it gets, like any other addiction. it takes a deeper cut and more cuts to get the same relief from what originally was just a scratch. u have 2 do it for urself, that's how i stopped. i didn't want it anymore so i stopped.
 
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RoNbOnBoO13
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12/17/06 12:25 PM
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SI is an addiction, its so bad that like for me when i dotn do it i have like nervous breakdowns. i cant function, but i notice that when i drink and i mean alcohol i feel better, maybe thats i why im addicted to that. lol wow im just really nuts!!! and whats even funnier is that i work on a psychiatric unit!!!!


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JAMIE UR AWSOME! TIFFANY U R 1 BRAVE FREAK! GET BACK HER MY BABY MISSES HIS MOMMY! I LOVE U BOTH!!!
 
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killedlastyear
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i think i'm back in the cycle. i was sitting on my floor tonight talking to my friends on the computer and listening to music and cutting myself. and i wasnt even really sad at the moment, more like just bored. and i wanted the pain. and i realized that in between scars there were still places on my arms that hadn't been cut yet. how smart. i've cut almost every night/day the past two weeks. and it's starting to become habit again. my day isnt finished until i cut. if ANYTHING goes wrong, i need to cut. if i dont cut at that moment then i wait for later and cut then. its kinda pathetic.
 
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trachtgutvzeingut
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3/1/07 7:13 PM
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its not pathetic. if you're cutting yourself, it obviously does something for you. There's a reason you do it. Don't let this slip-up become a full-blown relapse. Work with a therapist on understanding what you're trying to deal with by cutting. Once you know what issues/moods you're trying to control, then you can work on coming up with other methods for achieving the results you're looking for. If you're not working with a therapist, or if you're just interested for yourself, there's a REALLY good book about self-injury that you should read to help you understand the addiction. You can buy it online at Amazon.

Self-Injury: Psychotherapy with People Who Engage in Self-Inflicted Violence
Robin E. Connors - Author
Jason Aronson - Publisher
0765702649


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tracht gut
 
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killedlastyear
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3/13/07 10:22 AM
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i liked the cutting book by steven levenkron.
 
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Holding on
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What is the title of his book?
 
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RoNbOnBoO13
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ok so since self injuring is an addiction, i mean its normal for some1 to hurt themselves... so did any1 ever consider like an AA type meeting for SI, like a 12 steps type thing, cuz if u have that addiction than u have an addictive personality and thats what helps............ gluck


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JAMIE UR AWSOME! TIFFANY U R 1 BRAVE FREAK! GET BACK HER MY BABY MISSES HIS MOMMY! I LOVE U BOTH!!!
 
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Holding on
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If there is one out there for ppl. who SI, I would be intersted in finding out more about it. Is there any such meetings for ppl. who SI? Anyone know of any? My guess is not - I've never heard anyone discuss it... but if there is one available, could you please let me know?
Thanks
 
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aquabelle
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i don't know of a specific group, but dbt programs are mostly ppl who SI so it's sort of group therapy there. cbt programs also.
 
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killedlastyear
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Quote

Originally posted by: Holding on
What is the title of his book?


Cutting: Understand and Overcoming Self-Mutilation by: Steven Levenkron

I read it sitting down on the floor of Barnes and Nobles by the bookcase. I was so into it that i didnt even bother to get up and move to a chair hehe. I just remember reading through it and being able to relate to SO much. I don't think I really looked at the "overcoming" part of it because at that time I had no interest in stopping at all.
 
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Holding on
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KLY - Thanks. If I manage to make time to go to the library, I'll see if they have it.
Btw, how are you doing these days?
Gut Voch!
 
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hashemhelpme
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7/12/07 4:03 PM
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if you know of any support groups on cutting i'd like to know please let me know thanks kly and trachtg.. for the names of those books i'll look into tham when I go to the library does anyone know of any other on line chatroom for self injuring borderline personality disorder
Thanks in advance for your support and replies
 
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avious101
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7/24/07 9:52 PM
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um there is teenhelp.com but its for teens and its not jewish and it can also give u bad ideas and stuff so i wouldnt recomend it
 
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Holding on
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Gut Moed, everybody!
How have you all been doing?

B"H I haven't self-injured, which is the good news, but with it being Yom Tov (stresssssful), together with the VERY hard work I'm doing in therapy, I find myself struggling to stay SI-free. It's getting harder as the days go by to keep it up.
call it an addiction, call it an obsession, but it's all I can think of sometimes!

continuing to "hold on"
 
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su7kids
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Keep on holding on. You've been doing great. Even if you're thinking about it, at least control it and be proud of every minute (5 - 10 - 30 minute increments) that you control yourself.

You know you can do it, and guess what, its only a few more days and then we're back to the routine of life again.

Keep on keeping on!!!


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Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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Holding on
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Thanks for your support.
I really don't feel like I'm doing all that great.
I feel like I'm drowning; struggling to breathe.
I feel alone.
 
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gad
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10/2/07 10:30 PM
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**alone**

You're not alone. G-d is together with you.

We are all proud of you, and we admire your efforts to persevere.

Hope to hear good news. Have a good and happy Yom Tov.
 
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Holding on
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Gad - Thank you for your kind words.

I'm trying to keep it up.
I didn't see my T today, but I'm sort of counting down till I see her next week.

Gut Yom Tov!
 
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Holding on
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I'm sorry.
Please do not look at me as an inspiration, bec. I'm not.
yeah... I messed up yet AGAIN
I couldn't shake the urge since I 'needed' to do it back on CHol Hamoed, and now I've done it.
Pathetic how I hold out for so long after I 'need' to do it, and then go ahead anyway, a bit later.



 
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gad
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Sorry about that.

Give yourself credit for the time you did persevere.

And it's never too late to start over and be even more successful.
 
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su7kids
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Well, lets see, did you have a longer time in between? There must be something you can find to be proud of. I'm sure proud that you are persistent.


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Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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killedlastyear
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so I'm not sure that the exact reason I'm doing this is for SI reasons but i've been picking at my scalp and I just can't stop. It's winter now and my scalp is especialy dry so it just flakes so easily and i just pick pick pick and i have all these lil small scabs that you can't see unless you part my hair where they are. But they're all over and I'm scared that if i keep picking at them I'm going to start getting bald spots but it's such an addiction I reason with myself that i'll just do it this one more time then I'll stop...
I can't figure out why I'm doing it. i only know that i pick all my scabs always but these are scabs I'm actualy making by diging into my scalp with my fingernails. how nasty. i guess i just felt the need to admit this cuz I feel like its too disturbing to tell my family and friends. anyone else do something like this....?
 
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su7kids
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I like to scratch scabs, etc, and I have heard that it can be a nutritional deficiency.

You can put gloves on your hands, or bandaids on the fingers that do the scratching, or find something else to do with your hands - Rubik's Cube puzzle or something like that - knitting!

Its all part of that nervous anxiety, I believe.


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Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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killedlastyear
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i thought it more of boredom. i just like doing it. my head itches now i just want to pick them! i prob will give in and do it soon i already have multiple times today. i like how it hurts but i keep picking through the pain. i feel accomplished in a way. so dumb i need to get a life.
 
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killedlastyear
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hurts so much. i'm kinda wishin i could stop it already. it didnt hurt so much in the begining but now im gettin more and more on my head and as i keep pickin the scabs off they start hurting more and more i might start wearing gloves at least while im at home...
 
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su7kids
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KLY, hugs to you.

I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. I can't say anything. I just want you to know that I care.


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Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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killedlastyear
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thanks
 
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