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TOPIC TITLE: A WIFE WITH BIPOLAR
Created On 11/24/05 7:26 PM
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Lev-Nishber
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11/24/05 7:26 PM
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HI, I AM MARIED TO MY WIFE FOR A FEW YEARS NOW MAYBE 5 PEOPLE KNOW THAT SHE IS ON MEDS, I HAVN'T TOLD ANY ONE IN MY FAMILY THAT SHE IS ON MEDS, SHE GOS TO A DOC 1NCE A MONTH, AND TALKS TO SOME ONE ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK, SHE HAS UPS AND DOWNS, I ASKED THE DOC WHAT THIS IS CALLED, SO MAYBE I CAN READ ON THIS, MAYBE I'LL FEEEL A DROP BETTER IF I KNOW WHAT TO DEAL WITH, (NOT THAT IT WOULD HELP PART OF THE PROBLEM IS MY WORDS DON'T COUNT WHEN SHE IS IN THAT MODE)THE DOC SAID I SHOULD READ ON BI POLAR, SHE CAN BE IN A VERY BAD MOOD FOR A WEEK AND HALF TO 2 WEEKS , AND THEN GET REGULAR, i CAN CALL IT NORMAL, BUT THERE IS SOMTHING GOING ON MOST OF THE TIME. I WAS WOUNDERING WHAT symptoms OTHERS HAVE WHEN THEY HAVE BIPOLAR ? AND WHAT DO SPOUS'S DO WHEN THERE OTHER HALF IS LIKE THAT?

I HAVE TO AGREE THAT THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR MY STOMACH, I DO HAVE ALOT OF PRESSURE FROM THIS, I MY SELF FEEL VERY PRESSURED LATLY THE WORST THING I'M AFRAID OF IS GETTING SICK.

I HAVE 2 SWEET VERY YOUNG CHILDREN, AND I PRAY EVERY DAY THAT THEY SHOULD ALLWAYS BE IN A GOOD MOOD, I TRY SO HARD TO MAKE THEM LAUGHT AND SMILE, WHILE ME MY SELF IS ALLWAYS BUSY WITH STRESS IN THE HOUSE.

ANY IN PUT WOULD BE APPPRICIATED.



Edited: 11/24/05 at 8:10 PM by Lev-Nishber
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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11/24/05 11:19 PM
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Lev-
Sounds to me that you are a very sensitive and supportive husband- yeshar koach! IY'H, as your wife becomes more stable on meds (I am assuming she takes them, although that is often a problem with poeple labelled bipolar), her moods will become more tolerable for everyone!
A Lynn
 
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Lev-Nishber
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11/28/05 3:41 PM
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Hi, yes she takes one med in the AM one in the PM,
Its not easy at all, I am with here for 6 years, there are allot of issues that I have a hard time handling emotionally,

I'll mention a few things,

The thing is I don't have who to share it with; I keep everything in my stomach,
My wife doesn’t appear to understand or agnoladge that I'm having a hard time as well but in a different sense,
obviously we have a hard time communicating sometimes because most of the time its my way or no way with her, I'm not saying she is doing to be a mean person its just the fact that she is that way, she can't think different then her opinion, what really bothers me with this is that the people she talks with express it in a way like yes I know you 2 have a problem communicating, I understand that they have to make her feel good. But I always think about this that people don't really know what I’m going thru, like I'm the hard husband on her. I can’t express to you how much I give in or don't do at all because of her situation. Bottom line its tuff out there.

lev-
 
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Lev-Nishber
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11/28/05 3:44 PM
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One more thing how do i realy know if it BP , can anyone descibe some symtoms please???
 
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bubbles
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11/28/05 10:02 PM
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Hi L.N.

I am sorry to hear how difficult things are for you.

I do not have any experience with Bipolar Disorder except for what I have read on my own.

There are however numerous websites, filled with information. I have checked out the following site, and it seems to be quite informative without being too clinical.

http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report2/

I realise that you would probably like a more personal reply, perhaps from people who are going through similar experiences.
I hope you will find the support here that you are looking for.

Best wishes.
bubbles

I
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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11/28/05 10:34 PM
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Lev-Nishber,
In addition to the helpful suggestion of looking at websites to educate yourself about bipolar, you may want to consider individual therapy and/or a support group, so that you have a forum to vent and share with others. Your concerns, feelings and issues are totally valid.
A Lynn
 
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Lev-Nishber
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11/29/05 2:18 PM
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Hi, do you know anyone that signed up with that site you gave me the link to??

Thank
 
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bubbles
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11/30/05 8:57 PM
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no, sorry I don't know anyone.
I found the web site in direct response to your quest for help.

But there are lots of sites you can search.

All u need to do is type in BIPOLAR and then browse thru the sites until u find something of interest.

Much Hatzlocho.
 
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Torsalicious613
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hi, lev, i myself am bipolar. it is difficult for me and those around me. but we get through it. i'm taking meds now (you can look up all the meds i'm on, they're listed in the "bi polar" section of this topic --it is really spelled bipolar, but some people just don't know how to spell here, i guess!) anyway, convince her (your wife) to take the meds. i know she really won't want to, as i didn't but the truth is they really help. you've got to go to a good doc though, one who knows medicine, but that costa a lotta moola. maybe you can find a pro bono doc if you can't afford it, i know they exist (i'm not assuming you can't afford one, but good psychopharmacologists/med docs/ bipolar shrinks/ psychiatrists-- not psychologists-- psychiatrists-- meaning one who treats disorders with medications, can be expensive-- for anyone-- including me-- even though i live at home right now and my parents pay for it through a trust fund/account my grandfather left me before he died.)

i still don't wanna take my meds and have to be coaxed every night-- one reason i don't live alone because my parents are afraid i won't take them-- which they're probably right. but i don't swallow pills anymore, like i used to-- i refuse to-- so i drink the lith, depa, and ativans in chocolate soymilk. it's gross. but it's better than pills, which i had to swallow with applesauce anyway that i kept gagging on. i take a meltaway zyprexa-- thank god for modern medicine-- which really clinched my bpd when i was sick, a long time ago, so that i must keep taking. what can i say? i don't want to admit it, but the meds helped. my mind is much quieter these days and focused on school, family, and friends, and not just being sick.

symptoms of bpd: unwillingness to get out of bed, lack of sleep, too much sleep, rapid speech, racing thoughts, thoughts of suicide, mood swings, grandiosity, partaking in risky behavior, these are some.

lev, better talk to a good doc or social worker/ counclor so you can get the help you need.

but in the meantime, don't give up, keep going, there's a light at the end of the tunnel even if you can't see it, always remember that. and stay positive. i'm always here to talk to you-- and so are a lot of others on here

atara


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what the hecka is a signiature?
 
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Torsalicious613
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my meds are being slowly lowered! woohoo! wish me luck, people, i'll sure need it, even though my life is going considerably better. we have a fashion show coming up-- i have to be cool calm and collected for the event-- to make my best impression and put my best foot foraward. wish me mazal. i don't want the mazal train to leave without me on it.

atara


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what the hecka is a signiature?
 
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Torsalicious613
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i've got to go to class now, people. bye!

atara


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what the hecka is a signiature?
 
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Lev-Nishber
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12/2/05 12:11 PM
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The good thing is my wife B"H never denied the problem and allways takes her meds, it had to be changed a few times but she follows instructions,
I can say some of her symtoms are ,, talking very fast, nervous to my suggestions, mood swings is the big one, and it could last for 2 weeks sometimes, latly she is afraid of fire breaking out in the house when we sleep,, she wants me to buy a latter that can be put out the window, and some more...

I feel very bad when she calls her friends about it, but on the other hand she is lucky in one way that she can spill the beans, I don't have one person that I feel that if I tell him he won't carry it further. A friend of here admited that she was on meds her self, I don't think people make these things up to make you feel good.


I did search on the net for these groups, I got a book from barnes and nobles never got to read it, (How to love a spouse with bi polar )

I just toght hairing first hand is a better picture.
Thanks all,

 
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shlufer2005
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12/17/05 10:51 PM
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bcareful of xyprexa been shown to cause diebetes
but then again if you have found a med that helps you and is a great stabilizer and your docs say go with it then do not let me discourage you


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whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger so pass the cryptonite...
 
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shlufer2005
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married to a wonderful woman when we met I knew she wss bipolar but did not understand fully what this ment
she had an episode right by our wedding
what a wonderful sheva brachos and shana rishona we had... will add more to the saga tomorrow


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Torsalicious613
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i'm on zyprexa-- i have to be careful. i hope when iget married i get better.

atara


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what the hecka is a signiature?
 
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eagle wings
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Dear Lev-Nishber
How good that your wife is taking her meds!
Just si you know where I am coming from, my husband seems to have a VERY MILD case of BiPolar---refuses to take meds. We managed until he self-medicated himself with alcohol and drugs. We had a TERRIBLE 4 years. Finally he realized that it was family or drugs, and he gave up the drugs. He has been OK now for nearly a year, and I pray that it continues. (But it very well may not, as he doesn't take meds...)
Your role, as I see it, is to show her that you are standing by her (especially as she is trying), and encourage her. Give her the warm family that makes it worthwhile to work towards a goal of being better.


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"Let GO and Let G_D"
 
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Torsalicious613
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i think the best option is to take the meds because the more meds you take, the less likely you will have to be on meds later. better yet, the meds you take now, if you take what you're supposed to, will reduce your chance of having to take them later. yeah, that's what i MEANT to say. i should know, i've lived it. tell your brother this, see what he says

atara


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Torsalicious613
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sorry, lev, i meant to say your wife, duh, not your brother. if your wife is taking her meds good for her! tell her it will prevent her from having to take them later! ( i think my mind was still on another thread-- the my brother has bipolar thread. sorry. i'm trying to write too much in too little time, i'm getting confused!)

atara


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matzoball48
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Hi I am glad that you're wife is taking her meds. Unfortunatley my daughter was married to some one who was bipolar but he never took his meds even when she told him he had to. He became verbally and physically abusive to her and now he is trying to avoid giving her the get because he knows he won't be able to get married again it is a sad situation for everyone.
n;
 
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Torsalicious613
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matzoball--- i think they should get divorced and he should start over and so should she. just my honest opinion. things usually turn out better when things have a fresh start. just my humble honest opinion.

atara


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molly P.
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i'm replying to Lev Nishbar.First of all you sound like a tzaddik but I'm concerned about you just because you sound like you are trying to be a tsadik. Before i give my advice let me tell you about my background so you'll listen better. I'm married to my husband for 5 years and we have 3 zisse kinderlach. Our marriage was very challenging, in my opinion,I wont' go into all the details but i'll tell you a little, my husband was the one enjoying good meals, going to teach, to shul, having a good time with friends, never helping, never being there for me when i needed him,was neglecting me... I put up with a lot. I thought I have to be a Tzadeikes, I never complained, not a word...said Tehilim all the time, never told anyone anything. I always said positive things about him in front of his in parents and my parents even though he put me down in front of other people. B'Kitzur I was the bad one and he was the gutte (so I know how you feel. )
I'm getting to the point, after my third i had ppd -post partum depression, anxiety disorder (that's what they thought it was) well i did have to be treated for anxity and depression. They gave me pills which helped reduce my anxiety and depression. Now they discovered that I have a mood disorder,which is bipolar. But let me tell you one thing she doesnt sound like she has the right doctor. In the beginning when i felt terrible I went every two weeks to the doctor so i felt better right away and once i was feeling like i could cope i went once a month. It's not normal to be in a bad mood for a week and a half straight if you are on meds. I have more advice if you are listening so let me know!!!
 
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Torsalicious613
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life is tough.

atara


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what the hecka is a signiature?
 
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brg
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Dear Lev,

My husband is BP. We were married for 14 wonderful years before he had his first episode, and the past 2 years have been very difficult. I wish I would have educated myself about his condition before he became sick - I would have recognized his symptoms early on and try to get help. A good doctor is very important. In the beginning, I went with him to his doctor's appointments, and his doctor valued my opinions since he could not see himself acurately. I was also able to call his doctor and therapist when I saw a change in his behavior and discuss it with them.

I have recently started seeing a therapist and she has helped me tremendously. I was hesitant to go at first, but I am so glad I did. I got her name through Counterforce, and she accepts my insurance, and is B"H affordable.

You may also want to speak to your children's principal. My daughter's school has a guidance councelor and my daughter sees her weekly and is very happy.

It's a difficult parsha. I wish you all good health and good Shalom Bayis.


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brg
 
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Lev-Nishber
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7/23/06 10:23 PM
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Good Eve, I havn't been here for a while I just came back to see how people are doing? I hope every one is getting better. My situation is more less the same I can't complain, B"H the Kinderlach are growing nicly and My wife is stable most of the time but its hard its allways an other issue with er. Lets hope for the best.
 
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eagle wings
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I don't check this site too often (since it is ussually dead, or only posts by those with BiPolar and not spouses.
Since I last posted on this thread, my husband finally started taking meds and is much better.
I think that much of the pain experienced in being married to someone with bipolar is that at times they are really OK, and then you see what you are missing the rest of the time. Even though my situation is now bearable, it is a sad fact that my husband is a shadow of what he used to be 12 years ago.I am working on myself to see how much he tries, and not what is imperfect.


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"Let GO and Let G_D"
 
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Officeguy
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I read these threads and cry. I hope Hashem will give us all the strength we need to overcome these dark challenges.

***The most important thing is to communicate, learn about the illness, and do whatever you can to get good help.***

In my case, I am the BP and my family are the victims. I understand and have experienced nearly all the stuff written here: went from seemingly happy life to misery, frustration, and arguments; went off meds on occasion; switched kids from black hat yeshivas to modern ones in attempt to provide them a more postivie, less judgmental environment; my spouse's health issue intensified (she has arthritic condition called fibromyalgia). I do not wanna complain about me, just giving some credibility to my advice - I am living it.

One thing to remember, and thankfully there is much less stigma on mental illness then there used to be. Just as someone may need to take an enzyme pill in order for their food to properly digest, someone with a mental condition may need to take their 'enzyme' supplementin order for things to operate properly.

More to come...

 
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Lev-Nishber
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Sorry I don't come on here offten, If I would know people are on here steady I'd may make an effort to come on here.

As you can see I started this post in 2005, we are a few years later now, I'v learned alot since then.
Basicly its a very hard illness but with the right education and aupport you can get very far. and with out it you can suffer alot.

I'l try to post more details very soon.
 
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Vivi
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Eagle Wing - you have summed it up so well. That's exactly what I felt like when my husband was not steadily stable. There were times when we had the best marriage on earth. He was devoted to me, he adored the kids, and we were so happy.

Then, without warning, he'd come home and I could see it in his eyes when he walked in the door, that he was on a "downer". There was no telling how long it would last - days, weeks, whatever. He would negate everything. He couldn't function. He was up at night (and so was I, from the tension) and would stay home during the day. He would call me at work to bother me about nothing, as he couldn't focus on anything and was reaching out for help. He'd yell at the kids and they were so confused (B"H they were quite small and they don't remember any of this today). Everything I did was bad (he once took a freshly baked cake and threw it in the garbage). Shabbos was the saddest day of the week.....

And then we got our shaliach, the right doctor and the right meds. Slowly he began to function. He kept a regular schedule and I could depend on him. I could go out for an evening and he'd stay home to babysit and I could trust him. We could sit thru a pleasant Shabbos meal and sing and talk with the kids....Our marriage began to flourish once again.

It's five years later and I've blessedly forgotten what it was like to dread my husband coming home at the end of the day (or in the middle), wondering what mood he'd bring home. Only a corner of my heart will never forget...reading these posts has brought it all back. Yes, my DH has ups and downs but we all do, and they are not severe.

I am posting in the hope that if someone reads this who is going thru the hard times, my message is: there is help out there for bipolar. There was a time that I couldn't believe things would improve, and I was afraid that divorce was the only answer. I am greatful to Hashem for bringing peace and stability to my home.

Vivi
 
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Lev-Nishber
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7/22/08 1:14 PM
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I just decided to sign in, just to check in. I'm sorry I didn't ready youre post before.
Thank you for shareing it with us.
 
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Lev-Nishber
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Hi,

How is everyone doing? hope you are all doing better then last time I signed in. Things are B"H a littte better around here.
 
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gad
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It's good to hear that things are better. I hope that it continues to get even better. Hope to hear good news.
 
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Lev-Nishber
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Amen, Thank you for you Bracha. I wish you all the best as well.

I just want to express how I feel about his site or maybe it’s only this section I'm not sure. I think it's a pity, I actually think it could be depressing and maybe even make people more anxious. You finally find a place, or think you found a place to vent and then it can go by months with no response. (By the way most responses that you do get on here are great and not bad at all, it’s just that you start a conversation and then you are left hanging. Now from where I'm coming from I can understand why this can happen. If some one is in a bad spot and has a hard time coming on here they just won't show up.

So if there would at least be a few Moderator's or admins that can get an email when ever some one posts, and from the first post you can some times see where the person is coming from, If the person is totally new to the illness or is just in a bad place and looking for comfort. I think it doesn’t all ways have to be advice. A kind word or Chizuk is some times what a person needs. I think you need to gain a persons trust before they will start taking advice from you. It doesn’t work differently in real life why would it work over the internet. We need try to keep people wanting to come back, and maybe then they will listen.
I can go on and on, but I'm not even sure the people who need to read this will read it. I happened to send a private message to a person with a title before his name on this site, when I was in a bad place. And it took that person a year and a half to respond to my message. I under stand that it’s all voluntary and I really respect those who are involved trying to help people in crises. But the person probly didn’t know how to use the feature. Now how do they expect this site to grow if this is the way its working?
Again, I'm thank full that the site is up, I'm just trying to give you my point view and my honest feeling from my side of the street.

If there is anything I can do to help. Please let me know, and i'll let you know if it is some thing I can be part of.

 
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Debbi
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I know what its like to open up your heart and then get no response (a yr and half later does not count as a response!)

Lev Nishbar, your name makes me feel sad, b/c my heart is broken too, perhaps for different reasons, but shattered none the less.

I have a suggetsion Lev; Why dont u try posting on other threads? There is the therapy thread which has much more traffic than the bipolar thread.
You can talk about your wifes therapy and drs visits, or your own if u have a therapist. And within context you can begin to talk about the bipolar issues you struggle with, and i am sure ppl will respond.

There are other subjects that i wonder if you couldlnt find something u can relate to, and just go from there.
i feel as though u keep on coming back here, and then feeling angry that there is no response.
Why not try something new, and go to a different thread?

Good luck, and i think u r an amazing person, in that u offer your wife so much support, even as you struggle yourself.

 
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gad
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Debbi, it was nice that you answered lev nishbar and let him know that you cared.

Hope to hear good news.
 
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Lev-Nishber
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Thank you both for respondig and kind words, I'm B"H in a much much, better place now then I was when I loged in to this web site for the first time.

I'm sure you would agree with me as a person living with the illness or as a person living with a person living with the illnes that there is allways ups and downs, even if things can be under control most of the times it can still be a struggle at times or most of the time and still need a place to vent or not feel alone. A place where you can feel that people are listening, people understand you. This can usaly only come from others in the same situation. B"H I'm covred with that most of the time, I have a weekly session with a therphist and do some other small things. But some times you need more, when extra stress comes in you need to find more places to relive it or else you colapes. I used to get head aches more ften from stress and B"H now not so often.

I wrote the last post not just about my self, but more as a general feeling I have about the site. I'm sure the person that put the site up or the sponsor did it for this exact reason so people have things easier in life. But if its not serving the perpos we should let them know. As I said before, B"H I'm in a much better place now and I know my self around mental illness, but for a new comer how can we make it a more welcoming and supportive place. So they don't leave with a broken heart and fall apart some where.

Thanks for the advice on the other group i'll look in to that thread.
Gut Shabboss
 
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downandout
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I know people don't always reply all the time - sometimes I'm quite disappointed - but there are other times when there is a lot of feedback. I know that as far as I'm concerned, I always want to reply to people, but don't always know what to write. So people want to reply, they're just not sure what to say.
I have gotten help from this site, and although it's not always exactly the way I want it - and when I want it - I think it's still worth venting here, because people are "listening" and do answer.


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I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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4702125952
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Posts: 137
Joined: Feb 2006

6/6/09 11:39 PM
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Why not drop the adminstrator of the site a line ? The email address is on top of the screen, and you are making a helpful suggestion.

B'hatzlacha!
 
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duv
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Posts: 10
Joined: May 2016

5/11/16 6:22 AM
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hello lev nishber , I don't know if you are still looking on the side but if yes please reply because I must talk to you please I'm begging you


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it's just how " YOU THINK "
 
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Lev-Nishber
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5/11/16 3:26 PM
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Good Afternoon,

I wasn't on the site for this long. Thank you for reminding me about this site. Looking back at the date this group was started.
I just can't believe I'm on this ride for this long.

If you want you could post here. Or of there is private messages. You could write to me there.

I only saw your post because I signed up to get an email of someone responds. So I guess it worked.
 
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Manic Me
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8/5/16 2:28 AM
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I just logged in for the first time in a long time and when I saw the topic said bipolar wife, I was hoping I could help I happen to know a thing or two about bipolar wives.. I am one.

From the way you describe your wife she seems to have a very similar case of bipolar as me. Week or two of speaking faster and much more than usual, more impulsive, and uninhibited.

I used to have a manic episode about twice a year since I was in high school. I worried always about how I would treat my future husband cuz I knew that at the times when I wasnt feeling like myself I would take out my frustrations on my parents.

BH my husband and I have a good relationship and I trust him to help me make decisions about my mental health. That doesn't mean it doesn't cause issues. We are married a few years but he still can't always pick up the signs of an approaching manic episode the way certain people who have known me a longer time can.

Also since it BH hasn't happened too many times since we got married he doesn't know how to deal with me when I act that way. Although at times no matter what he would say I probably would feel angry at him.

But things can get better.

Just remember, when she yells at you or hurts u with words or says anything that you can't believe she actually said because it is so out of character for her, that it is not really her talking. It is the chemicals in her brain acting funny and she does not have complete control.


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"I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!"
 
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up
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8/13/16 5:25 PM
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My husband has bipolar as well as other mental health issues.
We have been married for a few years and we have kids.
I want to address an important point to you, speaking from personal experience:
The most important thing for you to recognize is that your wife's bipolar is NOT your fault and YOU are NOT responsible for her actions! If she feels a certain way or is in a depressed mood, it is not because of you! Once you can recognize that, there will be a huge burden lifted off your chest.
It is amazing that you are supportive to her but it is not your fault that she is the way that she is! The same way, if your spouse had diabetes chas v'shalom, it would not be your fault.
Yasher koach for everything that you are doing for your wife and kids!
Hashem should give you lots of strength, clarity, wisdom, support and the proper shaliach to help you with your challenge!
 
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