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TOPIC TITLE: yom kippur
Created On 9/8/08 10:25 PM
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fighter88
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9/8/08 10:25 PM
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i dont know what to do about yom kippur because fasting is the biggest trigger for me ever. it sets me up for major bingeing and purging and then i get angry about religion and it just puts me in a bad place. last yr to avoid yom kippur i took ten sleeping pills because the only way i could think to get through it was to sleep through it. i know its dangerous option but honestly i feel like no matter how far i am in recovery, fasting sets me up. i dont want to talk to a rav because its so hard and uncomfortable for me to explain what fasting does for me. and on top of it i feel so guilty and feel like i'm rationalizing(even though i dont keep basic halachos), because not fasting makes me feel like a failure and completely out of control. its not about yom kippur, a day of atonement bla bla bla, its only 100000000% about the food. but i dont know how to explain to a rav and its so embarrassing. im already so stressed out about it.
oh and to top it off yom kippur falls out on my bday this yr....lol i guess...


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Fragile
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9/9/08 12:20 AM
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Wow, I'm having the same exact concerns as you.
Fasting is the worst thing for me...
I still don't know what I'll do about it.

I actually had the same issue on tisha bav and called rabbi goldwasser. He knows all about eating disorders so you don't really have to do much explaining. He understands everything. He told me not to fast but I know yom kippur is much harder to get a heter.
Let me know if you want his phone number. I can pm it to you.
 
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fighter88
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9/9/08 2:28 PM
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i had a bad experience with him....but thanks.


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Fragile
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9/10/08 8:37 PM
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How about Rabbi Dewik
He's the founder of Magen Avraham, an organization for eating disorders.

I never spoke to him so I have no clue what he's like, but I heard he's nice.
 
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Aba
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9/10/08 11:07 PM
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My wife and I have dealt with Rabbi Dewik and he is so sweet and caring

Kol Tuv,
Aba of 4


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"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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killedlastyear
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9/14/08 6:21 PM
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awww that seriously is sad that it falls out on your bday this year.
no advice, just want you to know you aren't alone.
i binge every fast without fail, yom kippur no exception. i'm so going to hell.

p.s. i've been stressing out about it for the past month already too. eek. whats there to do???? ive never spoken to a rav about it either....
 
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Fragile
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9/14/08 8:53 PM
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Fasting is the worst for me too.
I'm totally panicking and I feel stupid calling a rabbi.

I'm working so hard on my recovery and I know this will ruin everything.

Has anyone asked a rav about this before?
 
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fighter88
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9/15/08 2:23 PM
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fragile, i asked rabbi hillel david about this past tisha ba'av and he was so nice. i also asked other rabbanim in the past about yom kippur. but i have a question; is there a way i can email a rav and then call him after he's written what i read? because i find it so much harder to talk about it.


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bubbs96
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9/15/08 8:08 PM
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I know I've been away for a while, but I'll totally join in on the anxiety about this.....I hate that this comes up every year (you may be thinking "duh", but I WISH it was a situtaion of "ask once, get one answer, end of it".....not, every year I have to present a case to my rabbi (at which point he sometimes asks me to call another rabbi) of why I can't fast on yom kippur. This year, I'm BARELY just out of IP, I can barely do what I need to as it is, and there is no doubt in my mind that fasting (IF i'm physically capable, which I'm not sure of), would equal maajor relapse. but i just don't feel like thats "enough".....so I beg all my doctors and nutritionist and therapists every year to tell me what might happen medically if I fast, to avoid the issue altogether......WHY are we so ashamed to admit that fasting has dangerous power over us and our ED's??
I email my rabbi all the time, as we are in different states, so I don't see why emailing isn't an option.....
well, we have each other....i guess that's something.....my (non-jewish) team looks at me like i'm crazy when i'm still freaking out over asking the yom kippur question this year, but they just don't get how hard it is.....


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"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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killedlastyear
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9/15/08 10:10 PM
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honestly, it's not my rabbi i'm afraid of it's my parents. i've never spoken to them really before about my eating issues (though they know i have them). my mother expects me to go and sit in shul for the majority of the day which i totaly freak out about as well. i can't stand being confined to one place to pray all day when prayer has hardly any meaning to me. i feel like if i could just stay home and sleep it'd be so much easier. to sleep the day through.
i remember a teacher once telling us that someone sleeping the whole day would be better than breaking the fast, though i don't remember which teacher it was and i doubt they were a rabbi.

but even if i got a rabbi to say that it was ok for me to sleep the whole day my mother would never understand. us all being together on yom kippur means SO much to her that she wouldnt even let me get a seat in the back of the shul (where i feel a lil more comfortable) because she wants us to sit together. sigh.
 
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fighter88
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9/16/08 10:34 PM
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kly, yepp a rabbi once told me its better to sleep all day and fast but ugh. yeah bubbs, at least we can all understand each other.


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"I breathe, therefore I Hope."
 
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bubbs96
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9/22/08 8:51 PM
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KLY I can sort of relate to you....I stress out insanely over where to go for YK (especially if I am not fasting)...I don't want anyone to know, am super-ashamed....want to sit in shul all day and daven but can't physically....i guess i am "lucky" in that i do find prayer, etc to be meaningful to me, but at the same time i have that much more internal guilt....i don't know...

has anyone had any experience with R' Willig? My rabbi has referred me to him, but doesn't have an email address for him which means (gulp) I have to call. I'm seriously anxious....

also, how is everyone feeling about rosh hashana.....I'm stressed about the holidays and meals, going away, having to get dressed (one of MY major triggers)....this time of year is sooo hard for me.....i guess i'm just reaching out for support....


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"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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killedlastyear
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9/23/08 10:39 AM
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toootaly freaking out about rosh hashana... i hate how all the jewish holidays revolve around food. and i feel like we make them revolve around food even more than we really have to.
at least i already warned my mom that i am NOT going to be eating when we eat out at peoples houses. she's more ok with me not eating then with me not praying.
its too bad there's not like eating disorder get-away retreats for the holidays. can you imagine? it'd be chaos, all of us in one room freaking out at the same time. at least we'd understand each other though.
 
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Fragile
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9/24/08 11:45 AM
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Yeah, I'm totally with u guys on this.
I'm FREAKING OUT.
I hate holidays and shabbos. It's all about food food food and I can't take it. I'm unstable as it is, I'm surely going to relapse on the holidays

Killedlastyear, It would be really cool if we had that retreat lol!
 
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killedlastyear
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9/24/08 5:11 PM
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yeah i think im like one of the only people on this planet who actualy hates weekends. all because of shabbat. and food on shabbat.
 
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bubbs96
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10/2/08 7:34 PM
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wondering how everyone survived yom tov?

i officially got my heter not to fast yom kippur today. considering i passed out and was in the ER this past friday, i'm not suprised. just frustrated and super-depressed about it. now i have to figure out where to go so i dont feel like (or feel less like) a horrible freak....*sigh*

i guess i'll just be honest that i'm really struggling with being motivated at all....

how is everyone else doing?


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"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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killedlastyear
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10/5/08 12:18 PM
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awww bubbs im so sorry to hear that
i hope you're able to find a place where you're at least a lil comfortable.
 
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Debbi
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10/5/08 11:14 PM
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(((((bubbs))))))

please take care of yourself...... can't offer more support right now......i'm so sorry.

hoping you can get yourself motivated enough to stay well and get stronger.

sending lots of hugs to you. (((((((((((((( bubbs))))))))))))))))
 
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Fragile
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10/8/08 1:27 AM
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I'M FREAKING OUT

Fasting=relapse
 
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killedlastyear
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10/8/08 5:53 AM
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Me too omg in around 12 hours.
I'm so numb right now.
I just want to go to sleep until it's all over with.
Find some way to escape it.
OD on something.
I just want it to be over with already.
 
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t@LI!d$3#9)(+7*1XbNMJF
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8/7/11 1:33 AM
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Do you have Rabbi Goldwasser's phone number?
 
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t@LI!d$3#9)(+7*1XbNMJF
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8/7/11 1:36 AM
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Or, Rabbi Goldwasser's email address?
 
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wishtobehappy
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8/7/11 2:20 AM
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Edited: 8/7/11 at 3:20 AM by wishtobehappy
 
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t@LI!d$3#9)(+7*1XbNMJF
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Fragile, do you have Rabbi Goldwasser's phone number? (the one he answers these kinds of questions on).
 
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Researcher
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9/30/11 5:56 PM
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Are any of you interested in responding to an anonymous online survey about disordered eating in the Orthodox community? As a fellow survivor of an eating disorder, I am currently examining the struggles specific to the Orthodox community regarding eating disorders. I believe the only way to heal is to educate; I am researching and writing a term paper on this topic.
 
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bubbs96
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10/1/11 9:42 PM
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I would be willing to complete a research survey but would want to know more about the research study and its potential uses. I rarely log on here anymore so please feel free to email me at chanie911@yahoo.com. Just make sure to identify yourself in a way that I don't delete u as spam


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"Recovery is a process, not an event."
Even when it doesn't look like it, I am trying, and I'm doing my best in the moment.
 
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wishtobehappy
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10/1/11 10:16 PM
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I would be interested, could you provide a link?
 
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Researcher
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10/2/11 9:39 PM
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I'm an undergraduate college student researching the topic in the hopes of eventually turning it into a thesis. Haven't made the survey yet, as I'm just in the initial stages of reading the current literature on the topic. It should be done in a few weeks, though. Thanks for the positive responses!
 
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Aba
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10/2/11 11:04 PM
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bubbs96,

Wow that's a blasts from the past.

I hope you log on one more time to tell us how you have been doing.

Kol Tuv.


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden

Edited: 10/2/11 at 11:04 PM by Aba
 
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channafofanna
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im also willing to take it... but i find the ED section triggering, so if u post a link and i dont respond within a few weeks, u cud PM me...
 
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depressed
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10/7/11 1:39 PM
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I need the number of a rav that can tell me what to do about yom kippur ASAP!!!! I still don't know if I should or shouldn't fast!!! I just started doing a tiny bit better and now...i dunno! I once spoke to rabbi deuik but I dunno if he's a posek so I dunno if I should call him now. Any names and numbers?!
 
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depressed
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10/7/11 3:25 PM
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I got my answer.
 
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wishtobehappy
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you okay with it?
 
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depressed
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i guess so! I'm going to try to fast and prepare what i"ll eat after, before so that I odn't binge and also allow myself a few snacks if i NEED.
 
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wishtobehappy
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happy to hear, hope it goes well!
 
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depressed
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thanks! have an easy and meaningful fast e/1!
 
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