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TOPIC TITLE: I feel so lost
Created On 9/25/11 2:16 AM
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I'mTrying
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Posts: 407
Joined: Dec 2008

9/25/11 2:16 AM
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Haven't come on here for a while. I had decided that I'm getting triggered, and I'm embarrassed to say but I also felt that 'social pressure' that I had all through junior high, high school and beyond of feeling like EVERYONE else is articulate, caring, and well liked while I am just stupid, selfish, whiny, and no one likes me/ I am exceedingly annoying... I guess my bpd rearing its head again... or maybe it's really true like my guts are telling me...
Anyhow I'm sitting here trying to get a grip on my head. So much has happened for me, good and bad and last week I kinda felt like maybe things were starting to turn around... but I just had such a challenging, scary shabbos that I wonder what will happen. I want to feel like crying so i can get it out but i'm just numbed out. I need to talk to someone but there's no one out there...
basically it's about food. and eating, and making myself eat, and trying to keep it down, and feeling so sick physically from it, and dissociating and watching myself and being so disgusted at me, my body, not so much in a body-image way but like- how could I possibly think i deserve to eat? and then eating more, and wanting to throw up, and even liquids just seem to be staying in me and making feel so bloated - and feeling so sluggish, and taking ativan to make myself sleep and feeling even worse when i woke up and now my sleep is so thrown off...
I feel so much anxiety, and loathing, disgust, out of control, fear, hatred...
can't see any good in the fact that I probably ate what I was supposed to... what I need to do to stay alive and in treatment...
gam ze ya'avor is not working today
 
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mouse
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Posts: 1931
Joined: Oct 2007

9/25/11 5:30 AM
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First...normal is a state of mind...lots of ppl think they are and aren't and vs. versa.
next sorry u having such a hard time....hugs


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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wishtobehappy
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Posts: 836
Joined: Aug 2011

9/25/11 2:37 PM
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so sorry you're struggling so much, hope you feel better real soon. ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
 
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FORUMS > Mental Health > Eating Disorder < Refresh >

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