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TOPIC TITLE: Obsessive Blasphemous Thoughts
Created On 3/5/13 12:18 AM
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ocdsufferer95
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3/5/13 12:18 AM
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Hi all,

I'm 17 years old and I've had religious OCD for a few years. I've gone through multiple phases, and it seems like whenever I solve one obsession, the disorder comes back by manifesting itself in another way. For example, there was a time when just doing a simple netilat yadayim took me multiple tries until I felt like I got it right. For a while the OCD was strictly limited to compulsive actions, but slowly it moved from compulsive actions to very obsessive and compulsive thoughts in my head.

Recently, I've been getting these constant blasphemous thoughts. Whenever I'm praying, and I try to concentrate the most, I'll start thinking about the worst things possible. But even worse, this problem keeps on happening no matter where I am. I don't know how to describe, but it's as if I'm always questioning my faith even though I don't want to. I really don't want to think these thoughts, but I can't seem to stop them. Whenever these thoughts happen, I'll say something like the Shema to counteract the bad thought, but even while I'm saying it, more bad thoughts will keep on coming. It's like a vicious cycle that I just can't get out of. Even while writing this post, I've gone through something like 60 bad thoughts.

I was wondering if anybody else has been experiencing this problem and might have some advice for me. I read somewhere that this is a real OCD problem, but I haven't met anyone else with it.

Thank you.
 
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HopefulMommy
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3/5/13 1:41 AM
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I haven't experienced exactly what you're describing, but the general rule of thumb for anxious and obsessive thoughts is: just let them be. Don't push them away. Accept that they are there and go on with your life. The more you notice them and try to push them away the more intense they'll become. If you let them be, eventually you'll get used to them, and won't notice them as much.

Also remember that those thoughts are not who you are, and do not reflect on you in any way whatsoever.

There is a book called Religious Compulsions and Fears by Avigdor Bonchek. You might find it helpful.
 
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wishtobehappy
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3/5/13 5:54 AM
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I've struggled with similar thoughts in the past. Hopefulmommy's suggestions are helpful, while in addition, it may also be helpful to get a solid foundation regarding belief in G-d, the torah, an afterlife etc. to rule out reasonable doubts and questions. Once I did that, I knew the rest was just OCD and it was easier to ignore.

inositol is a natural supplement that may be very effective for OCD, instead of, or in addition to meds.

CBT can also be very helpful.

Good luck!
 
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ocdsufferer95
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3/11/13 11:01 PM
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Thank you for your responses! I've been trying hard to ignore these thoughts, sometimes successfully but sometimes it's tough not to because they seem so real. I think the hard part is also that I grew up with a very secular/atheist education so it can be difficult for me to distinguish between my true thoughts and OCD...

In any case, I'm trying to use CBT as a method to combat these bad thoughts. Hope it helps. It's great to know that there's a community on here for support!
 
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HopefulMommy
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3/12/13 2:28 AM
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I've done CBT a number of years ago, and it helped with OCD tendencies. Mostly checking and doubting myself and things like that.

Good luck!
 
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ocdsufferer95
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3/12/13 3:25 AM
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Also, I bought Avigdor Bonchek's book and I'm almost done reading it...I think anybody on this forum should get it because it's very easy to relate (especially compared to regular OCD books). He brings in a lot of halacha and hashkafa quotes as well as wisdom from the Sages.

If any other current OCD sufferers see this, you should check out this website, it helped me out a lot in understanding OCD and its treatment: http://www.wsps.info/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&id=36cd-and-related-subjects-by-frederick-penzel-phd&Itemid=64&layout=default

Thanks!
 
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SaraBara
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8/4/13 12:37 AM
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I also used to suffer from OCD in netilat yadayim. It's really interesting to hear that someone else does as well.

 
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HopefulMommy
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8/4/13 1:19 AM
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Welcome to the forum! Sounds like you're doing better with OCD. What did you find helpful?
 
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ygoldstein257atyahoo
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2/8/15 6:12 PM
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Hi, it sounds like you got what you were looking for. In case anyone else reads this thread, I would mention there is a much shorter reference for those who enjoy learning Torah, namely the letters of the Steipler Gaon, one (and maybe 2) of which specifically address the situation described by the OP. They can be found in the sefer kreina de'igresa letter 373 or thereabouts. Obviously a sefer is no substitute for a good Rebbi though, I beg of you to please find a way to bring up these topics with a Rebbi who is capable of dealing with it.


-------------------------
My email is revealed in my username.

Yehuda Goldstein

Edited: 2/8/15 at 6:12 PM by ygoldstein257atyahoo
 
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