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TOPIC TITLE: where are y'all?
Created On 10/11/15 7:51 PM
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Interested
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Posts: 52
Joined: Jan 2007

10/11/15 7:51 PM
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Is there anyone out there currently dealing with/suffering with/enduring despite their illness???

Are YOU listening? It feels too quiet over here and it seems unlikely that the absence of posting "traffic" its a result of some miraculous decrease in the incidence and prevalence of mental illness in our community....

I am currently dealing with a one two punch of intense anxiety and, perhaps not-so-intense, depression. I have much to share, but my (what feels to be, thoroughly mal-circuited (?)) mind seems to be stuck with not having the "right" or perfect thought to share to illustrate my point, which kinda feels like it brings me back to square one, where I feel like, "wait!.... What did I accomplish by writing this post?!" and "what purpose did this serve?".

In short: I have recently been "let go" at a job (that seldom comes up for someone with my lack of experience) because, as per my unit manager, I was not "keeping up with the pace of the (hospital) floor. While this is not the whole of my life story or the sole reason why I currently feel the way I do, it is huge in what I have recently experienced. Ultimately, I feel:

1) hopeless, seemingly because my issues have once again contributed to me not being successful
2) lost, because I was putting in so much to get to work and be present despite the incredible anxiety that i was feeling related to work and now here I am, left with nothing, after what I endured and was pushing myself to do for every day of work
3) fed up with this being the reality of my life, where I come back to THIS, for example,-->reading and seeing myself share all of this in some attempt at garnering pity from myself/the world
4) angry and at odds with my life
5) Incapable of being an averagely competent person who could hold down a job and not be swallowed up by the demands of work and be available to live a somewhat average life where I could find a partner who wants to share and make the best out of life together

I am not looking for pity, positive feedback or some religious based insight on how "all will work out for the best". I WILL be somewhat satisfied to receive genuine empathy and the sharing of yourself (if you could relate).
 
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