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TOPIC TITLE: how to reveal in shidduchim
Created On 2/11/16 11:08 PM
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ayelet_hashachar
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2/11/16 11:08 PM
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if anybody who either had to reveal their own mental health issues in a shidduch situation (when dating someone) or the person they were dating revealed their issues, can you please share your experience?

if you revealed, how did the other person react?

if the person gets angry, how do you stop them from spreading lashon hara and rumors about you, or even telling the shadchan?

was there anything that helped mitigate the bad effects?


-------------------------
Let's just say G-d knew I had a sense of humor.
 
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MoMo
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2/12/16 4:08 AM
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I've found the best way to tell ur story slowly but surely. As the dates progress reveal more and more of ur life story. Thats what dating is about for everyone!!!
Its important to realize that our struggles did not develop in a vacuum; theres a family history of abuse/neglect or whatever... Thats my life story. It's like a Russian immigrant who is still learning the language and working his/her way up. Is he/she unloveable? Undateable? Many would find the story inspiring!!!
Its all about how you view it and how u tell it over.

The immigrant can tell his story in two very different ways:

1) I dont speak english too well. I dont have the same kind of job as others. I cant even afford a car yet!!

2) Im here for less than a year and I've already picked up so much English! With no connections at all and in an unfamiliar country I secured an entry level job. I already started saving up towards buying my own car!!!

Those two stories are EXACTLY alike the difference is giving the narrative the proper context and presenting it properly...

It all boils down to how we view our own struggles. Are we the man in the first story or the second one???

Hope this helps - it helped me!!!!!
 
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keep climbing
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2/12/16 8:51 AM
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Wow! What an amazing attitude!
 
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moshe
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8/1/16 2:09 PM
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MoMO I have sent u a private message, did u read it?
 
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Manic Me
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8/5/16 1:45 AM
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I had an experience where I was going out with a boy and it was going really well. We really seemed to click. On the 3rd date said he had something which he wanted to tell me. He said that he has add and is on medication. I had been planning to tell him my story after the 3rd date and hadn't been prepared yet with what to say since it was the first time that a shidduch had gotten to that point. Once I heard that I was so happy..a boy on medication surely wouldn't turn down a girl for that reason.
On the next date I discussed with him having manic episodes and what it meant in my life and he was so ok with it. He pretty much said, don't worry we all have our issues.
After that date tho it was over.
It was pretty clear to me that it was his parents.

BH I met my husband not too long after. And it was worth the wait..


-------------------------
"I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!"
 
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internet18
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9/3/16 11:56 PM
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Sounds good. I don't know exactly your diagnosis but my son is diagnosed with Bipolar and we want him to date. Now sure if to go to special shadchan that deals with medical issues or to navigate the regular way and reveal about 3-4 date. I have a feeling there will be many rejections if it is someone without any medical issues and I am not sure if he will be able to handle it.:
 
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internet18
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9/3/16 11:59 PM
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Sounds good. I don't know exactly your diagnosis but my son is diagnosed with Bipolar and we want him to date. Now sure if to go to special shadchan that deals with medical issues or to navigate the regular way and reveal about 3-4 date. I have a feeling there will be many rejections if it is someone without any medical issues and I am not sure if he will be able to handle it.:
 
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