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TOPIC TITLE: Independence
Created On 7/10/12 1:21 PM
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toy123
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7/10/12 1:21 PM
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Hi Dr Lynn,

I'm learning how to become more independent, and I feel like I have too much independence that I don't know what to do with it. I was never independent, I always relied on my parents other people and now that I have this independence I'm going crazy. As well I gotta find myself places to be for shabbos because my mother doesn't let me come home every week. I'm really bad at calling up and going to people. I'm too shy and self conscience (I'm very overweight). I don't know what to do. Dr. Lynn or anyone do you have any ideas for me???? I'm desperate!!!!


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Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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gad
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7/10/12 2:22 PM
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what about calling organizations which find shabbos places for people
 
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gad
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7/10/12 7:20 PM
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if you call the hosts yourself, it may help to tell yourself that you are doing more for them than they are doing for you, because you are giving them a chance to do the mitzva.

this may help to feel more self-confident and motivated when you call them.
 
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gad
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7/10/12 7:31 PM
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Quote

Originally posted by: toy123
I'm learning how to become more independent, and I feel like I have too much independence that I don't know what to do with it. I was never independent, I always relied on my parents other people and now that I have this independence I'm going crazy.


when a wound heals, it may still look a bit rough. but it has healed.

it sounds like the new-found independence is a kind of healing, allowing you to find yourself and to function optimally.

adjusting to new independence can take time. but it can be very motivating and encouraging just to know that there is now potential for good things to come.


Edited: 7/10/12 at 7:34 PM by gad
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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7/16/12 5:07 PM
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I agree with Gad. Many shuls also have "welcoming committees". Also, independence is a PROCESS. With these things, I think it is important to be patient with yourself.
a lynn
 
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frumsw
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7/25/12 3:47 PM
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I find that when I or someone has to make a difficult phonecall, it pays to write a "script" first and maybe even practice it in the mirror or with a friend. It's hard in the beginning but it gets easier.


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frumsw
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
Psychologist

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8/1/12 1:29 PM
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Good idea. Thanks.
a lynn
 
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