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TOPIC TITLE: Help Please
Created On 9/8/13 12:03 PM
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I'mTrying
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Posts: 407
Joined: Dec 2008

9/8/13 12:03 PM
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Mimi has been going over every line for the past few months.
this cannot go on any longer.
We have been trying to reconcile, but it seems all she wants is conflict and confrontation.
I don't know if she is a troll or legit,
but she must be stopped.
We can only give if she is willing to give as well, and she has proven that no matter how much we try to judge her favorably, see things from her point of view,
ask a moderator to step in, and even be willing to look aside, she is not giving an inch, and if anything is out to cause more machlokes and pain.
I, for one will not stand for this anymore.
Dr. Lynn, please help us out.

http://frumsupport.com/Forums/messageview.cfm?catid=105&subcatname=Mental%20Health&threadid=3475

 
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MoMo
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9/8/13 3:30 PM
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I'll add that I've felt personally hurt by Mimi1022 numerous times. I tried just forgetting but I can't it's too hard for me.
I tried numerous times to reconcile with her but she ignores me. What am I supposed to do?
 
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TBear
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Posts: 275
Joined: Feb 2012

9/8/13 4:58 PM
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Edited: 9/9/13 at 5:44 PM by TBear
 
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toy123
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9/8/13 8:06 PM
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I'm trying I give you a lot of credit for opening this thread. Ever since the first comment she made I wanted to open a thread about it but I kept trying to be her dan lekaf zechus, but this is absolutely impossible. She goes about hurting people left and right and yes for that she should either apologize and change her ways/explain herself or GET OFF THIS SITE!!!!!


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
Psychologist

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Joined: Feb 2005

9/9/13 1:27 PM
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Hi folks,
I understand that people's feelings are hurt, and I can/do private message people, but perhaps there is a misunderstanding about my "authority" here. I cannot erase people's postings, or dictate how people behave. The strength of this forum, in my opinion, is the ability for everyone to express themselves. I assume that if people are taking the time to post on this message board, they are hurting and looking for connection with others. People have different abilities and degrees of sensitivity to others. Anger and resentment can transform into compassion when one sees the "bigger picture". This is not easy, I admit.

If you have suggestions about how I can respond more effectively, I am open. I realize that for some of you I am failing by not protecting you. I hope you will mochel me for my limitations in wisdom, time and function on this site.
a lynn
 
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HopefulMommy
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9/9/13 2:31 PM
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I can't speak for the other posters, but for me it would be helpful to get some advice on what to do in this situation. I mean, the comments made by this poster on the other thread were beyond nasty. I was debating if I should respond, and decided not to, because I figured if we all just ignore her she'll stop making nasty comments sooner. Is that the right thing to do? Or is it better to speak up, even if just to reassure the posters who were under attack that the rest of us don't feel that way?
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
Psychologist

Posts: 914
Joined: Feb 2005

9/11/13 2:57 PM
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Hopeful,
As usual, I appreciate your sensitivity and thoughtfulness.
In general, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt that they do not realize the implications/impact of their speech and behavior. This is the case especially in my office, or on this site, where presumably, people do acknowledge they have issues and want to work on them and help others simultaneously. I try to let the person know how they hurt me in as non-attacking way as possible, to try to avoid escalation. This is very difficult by itself, since it is hard not to attack or become defensive when feeling attacked. Then, I wait to see how they respond. Do they ignore my comments? Justify their behavior? Do they have valid points I did not take into account? Did I misinterpret what they meant? I try to assess if I have a "partner", even if we are coming from different points of view. I look for the common denominator between us. If they persist in hurting me, I try to lovingly point out the ramifications of their actions on our relationship, since I only want to engage in relationships of mutual respect.

As for other members on the site, I think it is appropriate to give support to the "injured" party, as well as to try to explain to the "perpetrator" how they are coming across.
Hope this helps,
a lynn
 
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