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TOPIC TITLE: Let's pool our resources
Created On 5/2/06 1:42 AM
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div01
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Posts: 20
Joined: May 2006

5/2/06 1:42 AM
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Hi everybody. I just discovered this site and I hope we can pool our resources and support each others through the process of divorce, be it pre-,post-, or in the thick of -divorce.
I am having an issue with letting go. I'm out of my marriage, get only, for over four years. He gets away with stuff, for example has not paid the kesuba that he was ordered to, he doesn't follow through on visitation, cancels last minute and I'm left to make arrangements. (For example, he'll say he's taking the kids on Sunday. So I make plans for a day out for myself. Then he cancels at the last minute. So I either cancel my long-awaited outing or try to get a sitter and pay alota money for that. And usually I'm not able to find a sitter at last minute).
I do understand that if he were a mentch I'd not be in the divorce parsha to begin with. So what do I expect of him? Did I really think divorce would help to shape him up? On the contrary, he's become even more vindictive.
So what's my point here?
I find myself feeling so angry at the injustice of his behavior. And the anger saps me of energy. It bothers me that I take valuable energy and put it into being angry at the injustice. Anyone been in such a situation?
How can I let go? I understand the part about emuna and bitachon, but that hasn't enabled me to let go. How do I let go of my need for justice and move on with having a productive life?
Please respond and hopefully we can support each others.

Thanks to you all,
div01
 
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attitude
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5/7/06 11:10 AM
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I’ve let it all go too, not seeing any progress or even remorse for his idiotic behavior and lack of responsibility. What I’m doing though is hanging in there. Waiting around, because people are saying give it a chance. Fine, not a problem. Not on my schedule though. When he’ll be a new person, I’ll be willing to give it a chance. Why not try that route, even though it’s like a year or more.
 
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div01
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Posts: 20
Joined: May 2006

5/7/06 11:37 AM
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Hi, attitude. Thanks for responding. What do you mean by "give it a chance" and what do you mean by "not on my schedule".
Are you referring to getting back together with him? In my case, he's remarried.

Bye,
div01
 
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NeedSupport
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5/9/06 2:05 AM
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Hi Div

I am also divorced 5 months ago.

I'm in a very different situation then you though.
I didn't have any kids and I don't have any contact with my x husband, although he lives around the corner from me B"H we never bumped into each other, it would be very uncomfortable for me..
anyways, I just wanted to wish you alot of good luck and hatzlacha in dealing with e/thing that comes your way.
it's not easy..
 
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tofutti1
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Joined: Nov 2006

11/12/06 8:38 PM
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Hi Div01,
My advice if you would like it is not to count on him for anything since he has shown you that he is not reliable. If he says he is taking the kids out one day, don't make plans with a friend, instead assume he won't show and if he actually does then perhaps you can find something to do alone or with a friend at the last minute. When you really want to get together with a friend, hire a babysitter ahead of time and then you won't be disappointed.

Tofutti01
 
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gamzu
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Joined: Nov 2006

11/25/06 8:08 PM
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Hi. I just came across this site, and reading your comment, was reminded of my own situation. Bitachon is important and is a work constantly in progress for me. I found that at one point, about a year and half into my singleness, something inside just snapped, and it hit me that the only one I could rely on other than Hashem, was myself. At that point, nothing he did or didn't do, sent or didn't send mattered to ME anymore, and I realized that the hurt was for my children.
I hope you find that "peace"- tehillim with tears is the best prescription.
 
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div01
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Posts: 20
Joined: May 2006

1/8/07 11:49 PM
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I just came by to check out things here....and reading what I posted eight months ago. Well, I'm so pleased to say I don't recognize myself in that post! At this point I don't get angry at his misbehaviors and breach of agreement. B"H for that! What a blessing!
 
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