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TOPIC TITLE: homeless
Created On 10/11/13 1:36 PM
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star
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10/11/13 1:36 PM
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sounds extreme, i know, and i could always go home back to depression.
but noone wants me in monsey!
the ppl live by said they need me out next week.
found another place to rent but theyre being very demanding about money and need my room for guests sometimes and when i tried to be assertive and said i cant be desplaced lik my doc suggested, they said we will NOT be able to have you. OUCH!!! and everyone thinks these ppl r angels.thay always have guests etc.
now where will i go???


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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toy123
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10/11/13 3:24 PM
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Star I know the feeling of feeling homeless and it's a HORRIBLE feeling. What type of family are u looking for a rend living in a bedroom amongst the family amongst opposed to a basement is that good? I can try to c if I can find someone in Monsey for u....


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Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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star
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10/12/13 9:19 PM
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thank you.a basement and shower ideally. thanks so much.


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channafofanna
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10/13/13 9:51 AM
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Im also going to aks around, but dont get your hopes up on me, k?
(((((((((HUGS))))))
 
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star
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10/13/13 11:15 PM
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thanks channa


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star
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10/16/13 12:30 PM
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i want to die so badly, wish i was brave enough to tie a noose. dont freak i wont do it. just wish this hopeless life could be over.

i walked out in shame after i saw a potential room and they basically laughed at me when i said they couldnt use the room when im not there. implied im inflexible etc. but its ME! these r nice ppl with good rep, ok?

then today the mom i babysit for asked if the kids ever play, like could u not put videos on for them always? well guess what i cant handle ur bratty son who throws a fit every time i call him away from the comp. and these ppl i thought were nice. ITS ALL ME, MY PROBLEM, u see?
i want to die. cant breathe thru this pain, cant change another diaper, give the baby a fake smile. im done, i want to quit, move back home, and wait to die.

WHY GD???WHY DO U FUND SUCH ENJOYMENT IN WATCHING ME SUFFER?I HATE YOU!!! I WANT TO SCREAM YOUR CURSES TO THE WORLD. WHY????


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star
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10/17/13 12:01 PM
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why is everyone ignoring me?
heres the lastest hell: I walked into my babysitting job and the mother started telling me all the things that bother her, not feeding baby right,leaving a mess.(which I did cuz she said she wanted me to play with the kids on the floor.)
so I started getting defensive and crying and she yelled at me how the baby was up at night cuz he was hungry. I feel like the biggest idiot. I can't take any critisicm. Worst part is I always think she's the tzadeikus and I'm the hypersensitve one that doesn't get along with anyone.


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mouse
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10/17/13 3:43 PM
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Not ignoring you...nursing a headache following a noisy field trip with my kid....I think the mother has one set of expectations and you another. Now that you know she wants you to clean after taking care of the baby, you can choose to do it or not. Accept it as she wants things her way. She is no tzakeikus. She is just as good as you or me. She may not realize she's even being hurtful. Perhaps there are better ways she could have phrased things. (I think there probably were better ways.) Don't take it as a masure to how good or not you are. Just realize this parent is demanding.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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keep climbing
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10/17/13 5:30 PM
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I also blame myself when things go wrong. The other person is always right and everything is my fault.....
My dr. says--enough of being a victim. Take charge and look at things differently.
At my age, I should know all this. But I don't and it's a very uphill climb.
 
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star
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10/17/13 10:38 PM
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thanks guys.....zero energy but felling a little better...


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Cutiestarr
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10/17/13 11:04 PM
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It's probably not your fault. She sounds like a stressed out mommy (like me)
 
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channafofanna
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10/20/13 6:10 AM
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(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))) glad to hear your feeling a bit better...
 
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star
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10/21/13 8:13 AM
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thanks. moved into a new place but theres bugs galore and toilet overflowed......


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channafofanna
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10/21/13 9:46 AM
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ooooo... thats bad!!! but im glad you have aplace!! stay strong!!!
 
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mouse
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10/22/13 10:24 AM
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hugs


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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star
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10/23/13 6:28 PM
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got into a small car accident last nite, wasnt hurt but traumatized.it was a taxi so now im scared to go in taxis.


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toy123
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10/23/13 7:53 PM
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Yea that cld b traumatic but u have to be stronger than ur fear and still go in taxi's. That's ur only way of communicating no?


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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mouse
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10/24/13 3:53 PM
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....try to get into another. the sooner the better. otherwise you will have this big mountain in your way. hope you're ok. those things stink.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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star
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10/25/13 12:43 AM
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i did, new taxi service. reached a new low tonight. my doc implied that im fat and ugly so first i was gonna try to find some guys who want me but of course no luck since im so un attractive so i started watching porn.....and guess what gd, i dont feel the least bit guilty. you freakin know how hard i tried to find a normal guy who would want me.....and now my sisters getting engaged after my bro did and im not happy im jealous and freaKIN MAD THAT IM LEFT BEHIND. oh before u turn up ur nose at me, try walking a mile in my shoes....


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keep climbing
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10/25/13 6:37 AM
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(((HUGS)))
I'm sorry you're in so much pain, star. I think your reaction to your sister's engagement is perfectly normal. I mean, we are people, made of flesh and blood, and not machines that don't have feelings.
I don't think anyone on this site is judging you. I think it's a safe place (at least for me) and you don't have to worry about that, at least.
 
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mouse
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10/25/13 7:08 AM
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Star, you don't need judging. You need a soft place to land. Stop being so hard on yourself.


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star
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10/25/13 8:31 AM
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thanks guys


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star
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10/25/13 3:01 PM
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now i have NOONE! dont want to see my doc anymore but i need support!!!!cant find another one i promise. IM ALL ALONE! HELP IM DROWNING IN ENDLESS TEARS AND PAIN! NONE OF THE GUYS EVEN RESPONDED, NOONE FREAKIN WANTS ME IN ANY WAY. I NEED TO DIE!!!!IM ALL ALONE!!!EVERYONE THINKS IM CRAZY!!


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toy123
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10/25/13 3:35 PM
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Star first of all u gotta calm down. U have us on fs. What happened by your doc? Where are u for shbbs? Maybe they can help u out. I wish I knew how to comfort you... take it easy this week shbbs...


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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keep climbing
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10/25/13 5:10 PM
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Star-I promise you you are not alone. We are all here for you.

Did it ever happen before that you got upset with your doc? Because it's happened to me a few times and usually blows over. I end up needing her and just going back because overall she's good.

Feel better! I'll daven for you.
 
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mouse
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10/28/13 11:32 AM
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Star, how are things going now that you've had a few days to just calm down??? Are you ok???? I hope so. I worry about you when you get so upset.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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star
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10/29/13 9:46 PM
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thanks guys. Sorry was busy. Bh I like the place I stay now, and I made up with my doc today. Now I'm on a date and I'm desperately thinking how do I make this guy want me?


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star
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10/30/13 4:03 PM
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SO.....went on a date last night, was craving pyhsical touch so i got him to hold me a little but he felt guilty but it felt so comforting to me. please dont judge me. but i dont know how to play hard to get so i dont know how to get him to come again. why dont guys like me,even when im willing to not be shomer???


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mouse
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10/30/13 4:27 PM
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It isn't a matter of playing hard to get. Part of it I think is just not needing a guy so badly....that being said I know it is hard...keep trying it will get easier.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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star
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11/4/13 3:59 AM
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so hes been coming almost every night. tonite i got into a fight with my mom cuz my dads in the hospital so he cant afford to pay for so much therapy anymore wtvr....
anyways he came and we went to the movies and it felt so so good to be wanted and touched and called beautiful. dont know how gd could make it wrong. unless maybe he understands?


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channafofanna
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11/4/13 9:48 AM
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G-d definatley understands. He made people with this inclination.... its just a mater of when and with who...
but its def SOOO hard! I wish I had the guts to do what your doing!!!
 
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star
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11/4/13 6:02 PM
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thanks channa


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keep climbing
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I wish I knew what to say, star. It's such a thorny problem. But I think you know yourself best, and know what's important for you. So, drop the guilt and feel good!!
 
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star
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11/5/13 10:18 AM
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thanx. broke up w him last nite. he was being selfish and was mad i didnt let him use my phone, cuz i was nervous about privacy. he was crying and i felt so bad and was scared he would hurt himself c"v but he texted me today hes ok.....


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channafofanna
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(((((HUGS))))))))
 
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mouse
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11/10/13 4:12 PM
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hugs....that stinks....boundaries are important tho.


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